Weird Sex News: Oriental Madness and The Return of Goatse!

Serious Sugar Daddy Dealings

Takizawa Rola – the devestatingly beautiful half-Russian, half-Japanese adult star and pictured above – has reportedly signed a 15 year contract worth nearly $8m with an anonymous Chinese benefactor to be his ‘personal assistant’.

According to Want China Times, Takizawa – who also goes by the name Misaki Rola – was seen with a man in a white leopard’s mask with whom she was apparently intimate at a online game launch event in Beijing on May 7. The unnamed man – whose nickname is credited as ‘The Serious Brother’ – is believed to be an entertainment magnate of some wealth and reputation.

It is said that Rola will work as the man’s personal assistant while further developing her career in the Chinese entertainment field. But I’m sure we ALL know what that means. As Eric Idle once said: “Say no more, say no more.”

Serious Brother is also rumored to be keen on handing out tips of around $1m a time. For that kind of money I’d proba…erm, never mind.

Kiss Me Like You Want To Film It

Japan isn’t the most conventional country on Earth. We get that and it’s totally fine. Variety is the spice of life and all that well-meaning crap. The latest social media trend in the Land of the Rising Sun, ‘Kisu Dagu’ – loosely translated as ‘kissing videos’ – has taken the country by storm while giving an insight into the complex social patterns that make Japan a very unique nation.

These ‘kissing selfies’ are being uploaded primarily by teenage couples to MixChannel – Japan’s own answer to Vine. A Motherboard report on the growing phenomenon noted that the videos are causing a minor schism between Japan’s newest generations with less inhibitions and the older set whose personal histories lie in a more conservative and bashful Japan.

The divide was exemplified perfectly by a segment on Fuji TV which detailed a father complimenting his daughter on the cuteness of it all before making violent threats to her boyfriend. You can’t have your cake and eat it, buddy.

Those on the conservative side of things (i.e. the boring ones with no concept of change) believe that post-break up awkwardness will be made worse by the continued existence of these videos. But then if we applied that ideal to everything then nothing would get done at all. Let the kids have their fun, you old meanies!

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Do Anything Ever Again…

The original and ‘best’ shock image – the always digusting Goatse – has made a brief and unexpected return into the public’s consciousness. The image of an unnamed man stretching his asshole almost to breaking point was one of the… umm, highlights… of the internet’s early home-based days. Designed to shock, repulse and cause nervous laughter in equal measure, Goatse remains one of the most memorable, visited and parodied images in the net’s history.

… so you can imagine that a few smiles were raised when an electronic billboard in Atlanta started showing the red raw image. Turns out it wasn’t password-protected and some gallivanting mad person snuck in and posted the image. Cue thousands of shocked faces no doubt.

A reddit user claimed responsibility for this renewal of an old nightmare:

Hello friends, We are the Assange Shuffle Collective, and we’re responsible for the happy afternoon entertainment.Ironically, we didn’t realize that Buckhead was an incredibly affluent neighborhood, which makes the whole thing terrifically good fun.Burn the rich.

But it seems that not everybody has found it so amusing. Gawker reports that both the FBI and Homeland Security are on the trail of the Goatse-keeper. A bunch of assholes chasing one asshole who posted a picture of an asshole. What a wonderful world.

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