Following on from his first installment of Tales of a New Kinkster, E.B. Hill now talks about BDSM in relation to one of his partners.
Kink means different things for different people. From what I’ve noticed, more people are kinky than they’d like to admit, and many fewer of them would ever want to walk into a BDSM dungeon, even if they know they’d enjoy it. This could be in part a cultural dislike of out-of-the-ordinary practices, and kink definitely looks the part. Rope bondage and other kinks can seem scary, and often in practice make the participants feel something new and frightening, but ultimately enjoyable.
Even after learning that kink was a possibility I didn’t really pursue it. At the time my friend introduced me to rope bondage, I was in a long-distance relationship with a girl who to me was a conservative partner.
We didn’t speak that openly about sex, although we’d been together for some years. She was abroad for the summer, and I was home. At the end of the season, she came back and there was definitely an awkward rift between us. After only a couple of weeks she broke down and told me she’d spent a good deal of time with other men. What followed was a textbook bad breakup, of which everyone has had the displeasure of dealing with.
However, the relationship didn’t quite end there. It turned out that for us, this anger and resentment finally made us talk, especially about sex. The fact that she’d been with other men ignited a rage in me and I now had a couple of tools to use to adapt to this new feeling. Because we hardly spoke about sex as a couple, we knew very little about what each other wanted. And the truth was we were both very kinky, and scared to be so around the other. Our dramatic conversations about the truth about our broken relationship soon turned into what we still wanted to do to each other. It was after three years I found out she was the filthiest person I’d likely ever meet.
For a month after the breakup we would start a week messaging each other with new ideas about how to have sex. By the time the weekend came we were both furiously horny and would spend two or three days going at it. I bought ropes for the first time and spent enough time on online tutorials to tie her wrists to the bedpost, hogtie her, and even strap her to a desk and set about what amounted to intimate, sexual torture. Kink brought out a new side of me, and I felt surges of desire and power, but the drawbacks did come, and fast.