The Diphallic Dude

February 3, 2015
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The Diphallic Dude

One thing I know for sure is that there’s more to the man with two dicks than his choice to be bisexual. Known under the pseudonym, the Double Dick Dude, he came to media and then world public attention on January the 6 and 7th on Conan O’Brien’s WTBS talk show when the host and one of his sidekicks, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, announced that the Double Dick Dude had just written a memoir published by American Digital Releases, which was about to be released. By February 2014, he held forth live on Reddit, participating in a Q & A concerning the affliction he suffers from, diphllia, which means he was born with two fully functioning penises that can function independently of each other.

The anonymous American is a very savvy, driven individual and he received much international attention at the start of last year when he took part in an Ask Me Anything thread, during which people were invited to question him about life with diphallia. DDD, who is happily bisexual, says he has had at least 1,000 sexual partners, and holds back nothing at all.

Looking back at high school, DDD says that he was taunted daily for having diphallia, and had, already, by the tender age of fourteen, experienced orgies, and encounters with various pseudo-heterosexual men and boys who were sniffing around his young, desirable body, often labeling him as the ‘freak,’ but who were, nevertheless, absolutely fascinated by his condition.

“The girls were always difficult,” DDD says at one point, but, “Guys were always game for action, even the guys who identified as straight… Something about two dicks has an effect on men, much more than women.”

Consequently his anecdotes and natural sense of storytelling have proven so sensational that sales of his book Double Header: My Life With Two Penises skyrocketed past 200,000 copies. In the slowest retail business month of the year DDD was still inundated with interview requests and reality television offers after his appearance on Reddit.

Asked about revealing himself at some point in the future by a Rolling Stone reporter, DDD insisted that he would never forgo his anonymity. “If Superman revealed to the world he was Clark Kent, he would never ever be left alone,” the man explained. “It is Diphallia, not an absorbed twin. It’s not genetic or inherited. I am bisexual and in a committed relationship with a man and a woman.” Indeed, he says no matter what moralists or other people say, he would never consider getting one of them removed. Indeed, having been offered the opportunity to have one of the penises removed by the famous, some would say infamous, London plastic surgeon, Dr. Robert Vail, he seems to be wed to his dicks for life.

DDD seems to have suffered only one problematic medical issue since his teens. The Y intersection where his urethra splits into two tended to balloon when he needed to urinate. After undergoing minor surgery where catheters were used to open up and the Y intersection. No problems since, although, he explains. “I generally avoid public bathrooms and if I do use one i try to use the stall and not a wall urinal… because I have one muscle that controls my penis, it lets the stream flow out both my dicks, so unless I pinch off one of them it comes out both and that doesn’t feel good. So I have to take both out to pee.’

DDD also informs that his prostate gets inflamed if he doesn’t ejaculate enough. His prostate tends to be simultaneously stimulated from both cocks, creating a tumultuous bounty of spermatozoa. Consequently, DDD needs frequent sexual contact, “to get the excess out, otherwise it feels bloated and painful.”

Last, but not least there’s always porn. He was recently approached about flying to Los Angeles and auditioning. “I decided against it. It’s one thing to be unique, it’s another thing to be a novelty. I’d only be popular for so long and then I’d just be another blip in the hiccup of the porn business. The pay is shit from what I’ve seen and I don’t need money, I’m comfortable now.”

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