Would you believe me if I said that this has been a good time for sex doll news lately? No? Well, you’re gonna have to because it actually has been.

Long gone are the days when the distinctly inhuman sex aids would gaze upon you with a fixed expression of shock or horror, as their cheap plastic bodies squeaked and groaned underneath you.

Now, as brands like RealDolls make science fiction-esque forays into the market with their ultra-realistic dolls, so too are the dolls’ usage and purpose changing.

A company in Japan (where else?) has devised the latest evolution in sex dolls: using them as drinks fountains! Putting an almost literal spin on the phrase “mother’s milk”, the video below shows partygoers twisting the doll’s breasts to fill their glasses in a scene reminiscent of Stanley Kubrick’s vision of the Korova milk bar in A Clockwork Orange.

Sticking with Japan, doll-manufacturing company Orient Industry claim to have created the most “lifelike” doll yet.

With its main selling point being that their “Dutch Wives” (the Japanese term for sex doll) are almost indistinguishable from real women, Orient Industry are proud to have taken their products to the “next level.”

Anyone who’s watched films like Child’s Play and the Puppet Master know how creepy dolls can be, so the thought of coming home late from work to find a soulless, dead eyed but bikini-clad woman spread on your couch or bed must be a little terrifying at times.

Buyers will no doubt appreciate the new movable joints, scientifically-mastered silicone skin and customisation options that include hair and eye colour, skin tone and breast size. Or you could, you know, try and meet a real woman, but don’t let us judge you on that…

If those two stories didn’t set your teeth on edge, then this one certainly might: a British couple have spent over £20,000 on a collection of dolls to enhance their sex lives.

Not content with nights in front of the fire together, Dave Hockey and Shawna Bigelow have spent big money on their five silicone sex pals… even making them part of their wedding! The couple even let the dolls travel with them, despite the apparent emotional trauma of having to stow them in the luggage hold.

Despite admitting that the couple are jealous of the affection they shower on their respective companions from time to time, they claim the arrangement has made their relationship even stronger. It takes all sorts.