Disclaimer: I am not a scientist, I just think science at its finest can be free of emotional and moralistic inklings. Also, the Internet loves science!
Earlier this week Kiiroo tweeted the question of how often people should be having sex. A fair question, but problematic in that it establishes the idea there should be a general statistic. I’d edit the question to be: “what is the correct and healthy amount of sex for you specifically?” And also, does that quantitative data point line up with the receivers of your sex having?
Before I go further, let me disclaim that Kiiroo is basically the future of sex as humankind knows it. Carrying on.
After thinking about the tweet, I searched how often people should have sex and found a few fun articles, most notably a piece in Jezebel from last year that really dug in deep to the science and psychology of the subject matter. They pointed out that prescribing a number of times to bone can be counter-productive, and even concluded with the idea that scheduling in sex doesn’t negate passion. Exclusively waiting for arousal could lead to decreased sex having, just like waiting for inspiration to strike for an artistic endeavor or workout routine.
Like anything else you have to put the 10,000 hours in, especially because sex is mutual and not just for the individual’s pleasure. There’s no loss in scheduling and monitoring sexy times; this way, you are an active part of the process, rather than slave to intimacy ideals that are very much not your own.
Still wondering about how much sex you should be having? Let’s use the scientific method (I love you, Science Buddies) to solve this problem, dispelling the notion that there’s one general frequency that works for everyone. Allow this caricatured version for illustration.
Question: How much sex does my brain and body request of me?
Pre-research: I like this kind of sex and think maybe I enjoy it this many times a week or day or month. My partner(s) told me about this one position, or maybe wanted to make sweet love in the tub. I have so many things I haven’t tried!
Hypothesis: I should probably have this much sex and in these different kinds of positions or that one thing involving a hammock!
Experiment: Hey (gender neutral) babe? Yeah, come over! I’ve got provisions for a long weekend. Trent and Debbie are free too, huh? Sure, as long as they bring the Gansett. PBR is fine.
Procedure: This testing isn’t really telling me anything. Babe, we’ve got to tweak something. A week of missionary while CNN plays in the background? Solid.
Data and Conclusions: So we had a bunch of sex and also cuddled a bunch and had deep discussions about political upheavals in ancient civilizations. I actually really enjoyed the group stuff, and so did you, you said, but I felt the most intimate passionately making out while watching the History Channel. Ok, I’ll admit it, with Trent sandwiched between us. I guess we’ve found the quantitative and qualitative solutions to our shared sex lives.
Dramatic rendition aside, putting your sex life to a scientific (style) test could really help you come to terms with what kind of sex you enjoy and how often satisfies you and makes you happy. Also, administering this kind of examination demonstrates that sex doesn’t only occur when you’re feeling it, but also when your partner(s) wish it so. It’s an activity that can be exercised and improved, and doesn’t have to push our species apart due to a misunderstanding of how it’s working on the individual and mutualistic levels. Sex is very subjective, and nature is constantly seducing us in one direction or another, so we’d best examine our intrinsic desires, and practice and play with the knowledge that it’s a giving process.
So you know, Trent, Debbie, and the test couple are now living very happily in a bungalow in North Dakota they’ve nicknamed “The Love Dome.” And all thanks to (pseudo, but fun) science!