A colleague of mine asked me once if I believed more men expected to cum on a potential partner’s face now with the practice a true staple of pornography. I’d never thought about it, but I can confidently assume the answer is a big yes. Since sex became a part of my existence, I’ve wondered what percentage of what we find sexy derives from porn and what comes from our own personalities.
To me, a lot of the phrases and actions in porn are not as sexy as they must be designed to be. Much of the phraseology–”you like that, big boy?” or “lemme fuck that tight pussy” as prime examples–just sounds like bad writing. More power to those who find this stuff genuinely sexy, but there’s something disingenuous about it. The sexiest videos are when there’s random, organic conversation between performers; it’s like other theatrical endeavors, if the audience can see actual enjoyment, the art’s better.
That’s where nerd and geek culture come in. And yes, I could include the wide world of BDSM groups and subgroups among the legion of nerds and geeks; they are the ultimate sex nerds. As I discussed with pop culture guru Alexandre O. Philippe, nerds and geeks have become sexy, and liking certain types of media that were once taboo can now get you laid. The sex stories I hear coming from these once mocked communities trump any drunken hookup tales out there.
I can only imagine what goes on after hours at a Comic-Con.
What defines nerds and geeks is not a somewhat mythical aversion to what’s erroneously called normal society. Nerds and geeks are defined by their passions and ability to put said passions before some kind of homogeneous societal image. Music geeks are very different from Dungeons & Dragons nerds, but their obsessive nature unites them into the broad culture of geeks and nerds. A friend of mine who is a BDSM guru is also an avid archer and owns a bag of dice for roleplaying games. That’s proof enough that nerds/geeks and sex can be completely synonymous.
I believe that anyone struggling with sex should embrace the nerd or geek inside themselves. Mass market pornography can give you the outline of the mechanics, but it’s your own spin on sex that makes it interesting for you and a partner that wants to get down with you because of it. Joanna Angel’s The Walking Dead porn parody is a perfect example of nerd and geek culture uniting with pornography to produce sexual inspiration.
I’m not suggesting you don expensive zombie make-up and pretend that a cumshot is a shotgun blast–applying a cumshot as a motif instead of just doing it is intelligently dirty–but injecting a little fantasy or just outright brain power into sex can take the whole event up a few notches. This isn’t a new notion, but there’s resistance to nerd and geek culture by people who are invested in wanting to be attractive, and that resistance should be expelled. By accepting your inner geek or nerd, you not only come to terms with how much you wished you started watching Game of Thrones or Battlestar Galactica earlier, but you level up in sexual maturity. That, and nerd and geek culture has been creating a treasure trove of exceedingly sexy content for many years. Don’t believe me? Open an older Dungeons & Dragons manual.
Being a nerd or a geek means respecting the subcultures that reside at the same cons, according to Philippe, but also it means being perfectly fine with the obsessions and passions you have. It’s a different and more fun kind of confidence than trying to be the alpha in the crumbling edifice of normality. And confidence is probably the sexiest trait, even if you’re rolling for initiative or wearing a wizard’s cloak. Nerds and geeks are more cerebral, too, so more creativity and engineering can happen in the bedroom, leading to sex at the epic level (and I mean that in the D&D way).
As said before, BDSM is a swath of sex nerds figuring out the best new fantasies and technologies to play with. This can be your sex life too, but with any secret nerd or geek passion you may have.