On Why We Have Sex

June 15, 2015
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On Why We Have Sex

I have a friend who is an Asian woman from a Muslim Asian country whom I meet up with every once in a while when she ventures to this part of the world. She’s loud, funny, open-minded, and loves to talk about sex – which is great for me. I love talking about sex with her. She gives me a lot of good stories to write about, such as this one.

She is a modern woman, living in a fairly progressive Muslim country. So if you’re thinking of a meek woman with a veil, then let me correct you right there. She’s got short hair and dresses in cutesy outfits that flatter her little Asian figure; sometimes it’s short shorts and sneakers and sometimes it’s a hot pantsuit that goes with those awesome pointy shoes of hers that I covet.

Basically what I’m trying to say is that she’s cool and totally not whatever your image of a Muslim woman is. Anyway ‘S’ as she shall be known for this article shared something interesting with me about why she thinks she has sex. Hold on now, this might be a little bit of a doozy. And bear in mind, this is her opinion on the matter – which doesn’t make it right or wrong but just an opinion and a realization she came to after a bit of soul searching. Also, she’s totally cool with me sharing this story with you guys.

So, living in a country where sex is something you do after you’re married, having sex before you’re married and with multiple partners is quite a defiant act. If you’re a man, it’s tolerated as something ‘men do’, but as a woman it can seriously ruin your reputation as a ‘good girl’. And yet, S has always lived life pretty much to her own rules and had boyfriends with whom she would have sex – like most of us. It’s all on the down low of course. You never advertise this and yeah you lie to your parents.

She dated mostly foreign men (‘westerners’ as she calls them) and it is with her recent boyfriend that she’s moved to France, being that that’s where he’s from. The thing that she found strange is that since living in France (six months now), where sex isn’t considered something you sneak around to do but an accepted part of life, she feels like she’s becoming a prude.

Hmm… interesting. “Explain yourself!” I demand of her!

S feels it’s as if her having sex was almost a political, defiant act of, “You can’t keep me down!” and a badge of honor she wore that stated she’s a modern woman. Yes. She fucked for freedom.

And yet, now that that isn’t necessary, she’s finds the western (or rather the French) preoccupation with sex distracting and annoying. She can’t talk to most men without them trying to initiate some kind of contact. So why the change of heart?

Her best guess is that, now, sex is everywhere. There is no point to make. No longer does she need to defiantly have sex.  So she can actually listen to her body; take it slow, figure out what she likes.

Turns out, anal sex isn’t her thing. She used to have it with some guys because she didn’t want to seem like a prude. She wanted to shed that image of the ‘Muslim woman’ so she went along with it.

Long story short, this just goes to prove my point that the more acceptable that sex becomes, the more we’re allowed to settle into our skins, to listen to ourselves and really hear what we want. The less do we need to prove ourselves and lash out and do things for the sake of it. I’m really glad to hear about my lovely friend’s discoveries and I look forward to hearing new stories about her newly discovered sensuality.

A Very Modern Spat

Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com, where she often waxes eloquent about sex, porn, sex toys, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of Fifty Shades of Grey and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of EroticScribes.com. When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.

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