Need some tunes to drown out the sounds of your sexing? Or are you a woman going solo and your vibrator is one of those budget ones with a distinct buzzing sound that can be heard from adjoining rooms. Yes they can hear it…
There’s an unspoken rule in share-houses that music should be played in the event of noisy sex. It’s not necessarily to hide it – kinda obvious when you only listen to loud music in 45-minute intervals – but more to drown out the icky noises. Squishing, screaming, and the distinct sound of spanking are only sexy to those whose private parts are directly involved.
When you think of music to get down to, what probably pops into your mind first are the likes of Barry White and something hailing from the 70s that goes along the lines of “wikki wikki wow wow”. Although Mr. White has his place, here’s my contemporary rundown of sex-inspiring artists.
Who could go past that androgynous bag of weird stuff that is Prince? Male? Female? Unicorn? Who cares?
“The sexy motherfucker’s so fine I could drink her bathwater
A long, leggy 5 foot 8, packing an ass as tight as a grape”
Several years ago I was watching a sexy video that someone had been so kind as to make at home. Although the moves they were pulling were good and their body was to die for, I was more interested in the music they had playing in the background, so perfect it was for the occasion. I googled a couple of the lyrics and was introduced to The Black Keys. They remain one of my favorites on this list. Not to mention that I have a sort of Pavlovian response every time I Got Mine comes on, regardless of where I am.
To some, pop is a bit of a dirty word
They think that admitting you like something popular is against the rules. You know what? ‘Aint nothin’ wrong with a bitta JT every now and then. Nor is there with Chris Isaak, and spatterings of the works of Jason Mraz and John Mayer.
“Who says I can’t get stoned?
Call up some girl that I used to know
Fake love for an hour or so
Who says I can’t get stoned?” – Who Says, John Mayer
There’s a lot of horrible cheesy RnB out there thanks to guys like R Kelly. In my opinion he should keep doing the things he does best like battery and sleeping with underage girls and leave the music to guys like J Cole, Drake and Frank Ocean.
“But all she ever want me to do is unhook her bra
Then all I really want is for her to go down low
Before you know it she wet enough to get drowned slow” – Lights Please, J Cole
Bon Iver and Chet Faker are the kinds of soulful, folk singers that fill the entire room with their chocolate-y and understated sounds. Ben Harper croons about stealing kisses (but not in a rapey way) and Cody ChestnuTT boasts, “I push my seed in her bush for life,” to the perfect medium tempo. Check out Andre 3000 for some of his lesser known tunes too.
And lastly, Radiohead; perfect for lazy starfish style positions and sessions that are epic in length.