I couldn’t be more excited to welcome you to the first — of hopefully many — male sex toy reviews I’ll be doing for BaDoink. I have to say, a Wednesday becomes significantly different when someone asks you what you’ll be doing later that day and you can say, “I need to stop by the office to pick up my sex toy,” and not only not be fired by that, but encouraged to play with it and get paid to review it. This is what dreams are made of, BaDoink.
We’re starting these with a bang, too. The Pulse from Hot Octopuss may be one of the coolest sex toys around, and for this last week we’ve become pretty well acquainted with each other.
The Pulse differs from other popular male sex toys by not trying to be a vagina substitute that recreates what that would feel like. While it still has a structure to put your penis in, and its design does allow you to move it in traditional jerk off motion, the Pulse is essentially a vibrator for your dick, and its pleasure comes from the oscillating vibrations you feel, instead of any kind of thrusting in-and-out motion. Don’t get me wrong, you can totally move it up and down and it’ll still feel really good, but the point is you don’t have to. The magic comes from finding the precise point where those little electric impulses will slowly develop into powerful, long orgasms.
The PulsePlate (that little circular thing in the middle) vibrates at different speeds, and it’s in perfect place to hit your frenulum (that little perfect spot right under and behind the head of your dick.) A major advantage the Pulse has over some other famous male sex toys is that you don’t need an erection to start using it. You can put your flaccid penis in and let the Pulse get you there on its own, which is pretty cool.
The shape is sort of a shell; a taco-like device that wraps around your cock, but it’s open-ended. It’s made of silicone and it’s soft to the touch, but a little lube will enhance your experience a great deal. The “wings” that sort of enclose your penis are fully silicone-based, too, and can be easily bent apart if you need the room.
Handling the Pulse couldn’t be more straightforward: You introduce your dick into it, and to your sides you’ll have two buttons, one takes the intensity up (represented clearly by a + sign next to it), the other takes it down (with the respective – sign, of course). This is definitely appreciated, since all you want to do when you get something like this out of its box is to stick your dick into it and figure it out as you go, honestly.
It has nine different levels of intensity, and it always starts with the lowest, so there’s no risk of over-doing it as you turn it on.
The frenulum effect works wonderfully on its own. In fact, moving it — in a traditional masturbatory way — is not necessary all the time. To be perfectly honest, at times this week I may have just been catching up with TV and I’d still have the Pulse going on my frenulum as I do different things. Sometimes I don’t even have to hold it, but just let it rest on my belly, which enhances the pressure of the PulsePlate on the frenulum on its own, and I get to forget about my problems for a little while.
Vibrating things on our dicks are interesting for us guys, because it’s one of those rare moments when — if you truly let go — you don’t have any real control over your ejaculation moment. Putting yourself in that position of not interrupting the process can be very exciting. Feeling that you can’t slow down, or stop the stimulation. A fully lubricated moment like this with the Pulse might be one the closest things we can get to a well dedicated blowjob. And when you feel that point of no return you just stop fighting anything and fully embrace the moment. You’ll have some of the most intense orgasms you’ve had on your own.
The open-ended shape also allows you not come all over it with little effort. A downside of the Pulse is that it’s not fully waterproof, though its silicone body can handle liquids (obviously), so a little ejaculation or lube here and there will be fine, you just can’t submerge the thing in anything, so cleaning has to be done with a damp cloth. It’s easy enough, though, and not particularly messy.
The manual does warn you not to put too much pressure on the PulsePlate, but what “too much” might be is hard to measure. I always imagine warnings like that to be there for people who will furiously punish their dicks pressing against it violently at the highest intensity, but a little pressure is always fun. So far, I haven’t reached a point of too much pressure.
The closest this came to happening was during couple play. I tried it with a friend a couple of days ago and it proved to be a little less practical. The Pulse is promoted as a toy you can use with a partner, as its design allows the underside to vibrate and, when pressed against your partner’s clitoris, she can also feel the vibrations. This is true and it works nicely during foreplay, but only when positioned very tightly between the two of you, with only intense and slightly restrictive short movements, as any major motion proves it not to be stable enough to keep steady clit stimulation. It’s infinitely more practical and functional as a solo toy for guys.
The Pulse comes with a USB charging cable, and it takes about four hours for a full charge, which gives you a couple of fun vibrating hours, give or take a few minutes depending on the intensity you choose.
Overall, I’ve been pretty happy with the Pulse. How happy? Well, I’m still using it as I type this. And yes, you needed to know that.