When this Daily Mail article on how semen is good for us ladies’ health landed in my inbox I actually took a moment to think about it. I have always swallowed. I’m not squeamish. I’ve eaten (and drank) worse, and for the most part spunk doesn’t taste bad to me (although sometimes I do have to spit, and then wonder what the hell this dude has been eating – check out my article on how to get your spunk to taste nice. I’ve heard whiffs about how spunk is actually chock full of all kinds of nutrients it’s a wonder we don’t pack it and sell it as a health drink (imagine that job description eh?). But here is honest to goodness proof of how semen is so damn good for you that it even cures depression in women.

Oh my lord! It’s time to start sucking. Sucking and swallowing. Or is it?

A little part of me was suspicious. I mean this was the Daily Mail – not exactly known for its high journalistic standards. And we here at BaDoink are all about the evidence (ahem). So I hit the Google and lo and behold – I’m afraid I’m going to have to burst your bubble lads – as much as I would like you to be able to use this article as a reason for blowjobs and swallowing, alas, the evidence proves otherwise.

Let me break it down for you.

First of all, the research cited in the article is more than 12 years old and it studied a small group of women, comparing the depression scores of women who used condoms with those who didn’t. Out of this they found that women who didn’t use condoms reported fewer depressive symptoms – so obviously the reason behind this is because semen has antidepressant qualities. Am I right.

Nowhere does it mention blowjobs, but hey, I suppose the Daily Mail assumes that if he can come in your vagina and cure your depression, coming in your mouth must be extra beneficial, and put two and two together and came up with the whole blowjob angle – much like the researchers of this ‘study’.

Now if you still don’t believe that this study is full of holes (and I get it, it’s hard enough trying to get her to give you a blowjob, now you have ‘evidence’ that it’s good for her, it’s hard to let go) then let me just mention that this whole research is based on information – how often women had sex, whether they used condoms, depressive symptoms (not an actual diagnoses), and more via an anonymous questionnaire. That’s almost like taking a BuzzFeed quiz about “Which city should you live in?” and calling that a scientific study.

Alright, alright, I will dial back down on the snark.

It’s hard to prove cause and effect in cross-sectional studies like this, especially since there likely were other factors that contributed to a woman’s life and influenced her depression scores and sexual behavior. It’s dangerous to go around touting that using a condom causes depression because it might lead people to have unprotected, unsafe sex, which can lead to unwanted pregnancies and/or a sexually transmitted disease – neither of which were symptoms of happiness last I checked.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure that having consensual, safe, sex – with or without the added benefit of swallowing semen – brings joy to a woman. So if you’re really worried about the state of her happiness, then lads I suggest you go give her an orgasm!