How to Make Your Cum Taste Delicious

May 18, 2016
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How to Make Your Cum Taste Delicious

Connie was her name. Half Philippine and half Kentucky hillbilly, she gave the best head this side of Porn Valley. I was 22 and naïve in my own goofy kind of way and it felt painful that she kept a box of Kleenex and a bottle of pop at hand because my sperm, she said, tasted disgusting. I was hurt. I was wounded. I was downright disgusted. It took years for me to meet my first true fellatio educator, a writer, Jayne-Ann. “It’s in your diet, stchoopid!” she said.

Jayne-Ann didn’t care. She liked the taste of it and wasn’t averse to using it as a skin conditioner. Still, as she said, “You won’t find many like me. You’ve got to learn to eat better.” And I have proceeded with dignity ever since, pursuing the perfect blowjob with integrity and tact.

Have you ever been told your cum tastes bitter or salty? Its smell and taste kind of reminds me of chlorine. I mean, there’s nothing wrong, per sé, with your ejaculate. That spermatozoa you produce is a product of the nutrients that you take in. That means that the foods you consume will affect your ejaculate composition, and, obviously, its taste. Certain foods have a reputation for making your cum taste better, so let me recommend the following: pineapple, celery, cinnamon, rhubarb, apples, pears, grapes, jicama, kiwis, honeydew and water melon, not to mention drinking lots and lots of water; all that tends to sweeten the taste and consistency of your ejaculate.

Vegetarians seem to have it made in the shade, you may be thinking, but it’s not really that simple. Beware of the likes of broccoli, green beans, cauliflower, spinach, beans, nuts and seeds because, although they may thicken your cum – good for money shots if you’re a porn star – they all carry a high sulfur content. A lot of protein – milk products, cheese, soy products, meat, chicken, turkey, fish and especially cold cuts – all make cum taste terrible, especially when you’re a cigarette smoker. If you are a protein junkie and have to ingest your daily dose of burgers, etc., you ought to try to take in excess water to purge the metabolized proteins out because this is the main culprit of poor cum taste.

Now I was Jayne-Ann’s Boy-Toy on and off for many a year. I became a sort of living, walking ejaculating sexual experiment for her. Having failed with ice cream, which seems to increase saltiness as with most milk products, we discovered the thickening wonders of both Jello and Jello pudding products. Particularly good tasting and capable of rendering my personal goo very much a viscous sort of buttery substance was a mixture of jello, mango, gooseberries and water melon.

For those who don’t like their fruits solid, particularly many of the aging boomers I talk to the most, use coconut cream or coconut milk in your blender. Beware, however, of overdoing it with citrus fruits because, while they may add a fine, subtle sweetness, they also thin your spunk out. As this is an ongoing thing with me – touch wood, so to speak – please feel free to let me know how your little ejaculation experiments go.

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