I just watched the second episode to the new HBO comedy Togetherness and while the show is off to an interesting start – it hasn’t quite sucked but still hasn’t quite been brilliant either – I have to say that I’m kinda over these deprecating-type comedies where all the characters are sad, lonely, or some level of depressed. I guess I want my television as my fantasy outlet and I don’t want my comedies to shine a light on reality.

But we’re not here to talk about how Togetherness holds up as a comedy. I just watched the second episode and groaned at the scene where Michelle Pierson (Melanie Lynskey) tries to have some kinky play in the bedroom with her husband Brett Pierson (played by Mark Duplass). But instead of talking it over with her husband and you know, letting him in on the fact that she’d like to try some dom/sub play in the bedroom, she waits for him to come home and then gives him orders to “go to the bedroom,” and “take off your clothes.”

You can see some of that scene in the preview clip below:

Oblivious to what is happening, Brett takes an excruciatingly long time to catch up and I suppose for the comedic value, does not play along and instead talks back in the most annoying way. She then proceeds to spank him without warning him that she will be hitting his behind, so obviously he gets a shock. Seeing that he was never prepped about what was going on, who can really blame him? The whole thing just falls apart after she accidentally hits him on his balls instead of his ass (not sure how that happened, but ah well). The whole is scene is uncomfortable and you’re left squirming in your seat and feeling sorry for both of them.

This ladies and gentleman, is NOT the way to introduce kink into the bedroom.

Not only is there no consent in this scenario, there is straight up no knowledge of what is happening. If you do want to introduce some kink with your partner, the correct way to do it is to sit them down and talk about your fantasies and needs together. And then ask them if they’re willing to try something new in the bedroom. And obviously to start slow and not jump in at the deep end.

Be sure to have a safe word, and to make sure everyone feels safe and heard. And of course, learn to use any toy safely so no one gets hurt. Hopefully that scene will be the beacon of how NOT to introduce kink in the bedroom! Amen.