We are all wild animals. Some of us are more domesticated than others but none of us are completely tamed. This dichotomy plays itself out in a myriad ways. But let’s talk about sex. Fucking versus making love.

Before we start, we need some distinction between “making love” and “fucking.”  Wikipedia says that fucking is “the act of sexual intercourse” and that making love is “a bonding, a reinforcement of the partners’ commitment to one another.”

The wild animal wants to fuck. The more domesticated counterpart enjoys making love.

Often, when people first begin a sexual relationship, the initial attraction is based on pheromones, instinct; an “animal attraction” that draws people together for better or worse. A lot of fucking happens during the early phase of sexual union. As the relationship progresses and becomes more emotionally based, the wild animal becomes tamed to some extent. Sex loses some of its urgency and gains some depth.  There’s a promise of more sex in the future so time can slow down and eyes can linger and senses can simmer before boiling over. Fucking turns into making love.

But we are all wild animals and while making love can be wonderful and is extremely important in a relationship, we must not become complacent about keeping our wild animal satisfied. That part of our nature is the part that goes on the prowl when in heat. It’s the part that strays without hesitation if it has unmet needs. This is not to say that everyone who isn’t getting fucked by their long-term partner is necessarily going to get it elsewhere; however, when that phenomenon occurs, the culprit is usually undernourished wildness howling at the moon.

Making love – finding that connection with your partner and reinforcing it with romance, foreplay and deliberate intention – and fucking your partner with total abandon as if right now, in this moment, nothing in the world is more essential, are both important for long-term sexual fulfillment.

We are all a combination of wild and domesticated and our particular versions of each will differ. But remembering to satisfy both aspects for both your self and your partner is a true act of love. It’s part of recognizing and honoring the wholeness of what we are with enthusiasm and without shame.