BDSM: Learning the Ropes

November 13, 2013
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Following on from his second installment of Tales of a New Kinkster, E.B. Hill talks about how one of his relationships developed through BDSM.

I’ve encountered quite a few people who differentiate the physical and emotional in sex. What’s more, emotional sex to most people seems to be loving and tender, not at all reminiscent of kink. When I discovered kink, I thought very much like this, but the truth was that there was something left to be opened up inside of me. This is not to say that sex should not be loving and caring, but these emotions can still apply when sex gets very aggressive and physical.

When my ex and I discovered a shared passion for kink, it was the first honest communication we’d had in quite some time. And, as sex is all tied up in communication, it’s no surprise our sex improved by a great order of magnitude. It was as if suddenly all of the things we never said to each other before were now manifesting as kinky sex acts.

shackled by social norms

At first, we both thought we could get by on our bodies alone, but it was soon apparent we needed some tools and props. We settled on what I knew best at the time: ropes. So I went to a sex shop and purchased one long and two shorter lengths of specialized bondage rope and got to remembering the basic ties my friend had showed me some time ago. Within one afternoon I’d tied her wrists to the bedpost, tied her ankles to other furnishings, and we’d had our fun. Nothing too out of the ordinary, nor acts that couldn’t be achieved with handcuffs.

When that failed to arouse any more, we had to resort to sites that specialized in bondage education. We expected to find web portals into the otherwise horrific, but the teachers who put out videos were engaging and overall kind. I relearned the art of hogtying while a well-spoken gentleman ran through a tutorial on my monitor. And we were in business – my ex and I utilized my desk, every inch of rope, and almost a lemon or lime (the post-break-up affair didn’t last long enough for that particular act). Before emotions got the better of us and the reason we’d broken up surfaced again, we enjoyed a good month of kinky sex and honest conversation, delving into what made each of us tick vis a vis an acute understanding of what fantasies and proclivities had laid dormant in our minds for years before a shock had awakened them.

It was a painful goodbye, to say the least, but now both of us had tools for future partners. I couldn’t guess now what her and her current partner get up to, but I can safely say I’ve utilized my knowledge, and have continued learning the rules, games, and ultimate pleasures of the kink community.

In his next installment of Tales of a New Kinkster, E.B. Hill talks about how BDSM helped him through the transitional period after a break-up.

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