Relationships can be truly life changing and bring about a lot of happiness, but relationships can also be heartbreaking, confusing and can drive you nuts. Even worse is when the two of you don’t have relationship views that align, or when one of you is more into the relationship than the other. The latter can be truly life draining since you waste big parts of your life away waiting on someone to truly be present. Here are five solid signs that you’re an option and not a priority in someone’s life.
When they hang with you only as a last choice
Somehow your partner never wants to commit to plans with you, except for last minute plans. It’s almost like they’re waiting to see if something better comes along – and they are! If they do commit to some plan, then it’s something that they want to do. Only begrudgingly do they come along for something that you want to do, and then they make a big deal about it and hold it over your head for a long time.
When they won’t commit
They’re not ready, they’re too busy, it just isn’t the right time, this just isn’t their style, they want to remain ‘open’, etc. Even if you’ve been dating for a year, somehow your partner is never ‘ready’. They want to be ‘single’ but still want you in their life. If you try asking for more, you’ll be blamed for being needy, pushy and will be made to feel like you’re behaving irrationally jealous and possessive.
When their friends always get priority
Somehow almost all requests from friends are accepted and acted upon. Even if it means having to miss something important to you.
When they do things for others but not you
Need them to pick something for you on their way home? That’s just insane. But a friend needs to be picked up 20 minutes out of the way? Well that’s just the polite thing to do. Somehow anything that you need or want seems like it’s irritating them somehow, being in their way or cramping their style.
When you feel alone and neglected
At the end of the day, even in a crowd with them and their friends, somehow you feel alone. You might be with someone but you spend most of your time feeling neglected. Something seems to be missing. Things just seem too hard. Too much pushing, pulling, and trying to get their attention.
The thing is, in situations such as these, it’s easy for outsiders to tell you to walk away, but the reality is much different. It’s hard to walk away, because when you finally muster up the courage they pull you back in with the right promise, gift or words. They might on some level want you in their lives – maybe because they’re afraid of being alone or don’t want to ‘hurt your feelings’ – but they can’t be assed to make you a priority because they don’t think of you as a priority.
When you finally split up – and you will – don’t be surprised to find them changed with the new someone in their lives. Because – and this is going to hurt – you weren’t their it even if they were yours. You might hear stories about how so-and-so stuck it out and finally their partner realized what they had and they lived happily ever after. Well that might be true, but that’s the exception – and you probably ain’t the exception.
I’m not going to tell you to dump your partner and walk away now because I trust that you already know that. Sometimes walking away is a journey, so embark on yours now, so that at some point you can walk away without turning back. You got this.