10 Things To Help You Through A Sexual Dry Spell

June 14, 2015
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10 Things To Help You Through A Sexual Dry Spell

To date, my longest dry spell was a little over six months. Everyone I encountered who discovered my existence as a beast with one back was like, “tough break, bro.” However, after an initial period of woe, I learned a few things about shamelessly rocking the dry spell.

Before getting through a dry spell, though, it’s noteworthy to think about why such a thing has happened in the first place.

There are a few reasons for a dry spell. Firstly, there’s the self-imposed dry spell, whether put in place to assure the survival of a distance relationship, or to keep away from the peskier side effects of booty, for instance. Secondly, there’s the sad happenstance of spiraling into self-doubt where confidence and attractiveness is concerned. This could be the result of a bad breakup, a bad hookup, really any event that makes you question your ability to snag potential mates.

Whatever the case may be, dry spells are often self-perpetuated, meaning the solution can be simply relaxing into it, not defining yourself by it, then, before you know it, it’s gloriously, messily, over. But here are ten things to help you survive, in style, until that fateful conjoining of loins occurs.

Exercise

Bouts of sexlessness can leave you lethargic, leading to fewer chances of carnal embrace. In a dry spell, it’s important to shake off any laziness and run, bike, yoga, or lift your way to confidence. An active lifestyle has you crossing paths with more folks, and is just generally healthy. Kettle bell class is its own reward.

Gaming as a hobbyist

So what if you’re true self is a sloth? Embrace it! A dry spell can be made that much better by shameless marathons of excellent videogames. I suggest retro-gaming; it’ll come in handy when you meet attractive hipsters.

Big books

The pursuit of sex can be tedious, and a dry spell is the perfect time to admit how much a reading nook with a huge tome in hand often is better than ten minutes of sweatin’ & gruntin’. Look at all that time you have to smash every James Joyce and Charles Dickens title that’s been mocking you from your bookshelf!

The good ship Friendzone

Not getting laid reveals who your real friends are. There’s a certain magnetism to bro misery, and easing into a dry spell can afford you a frame of mind better suited for enjoying life with friends. You’ll be the first to be like, “bro, you’re leaving? But I ordered another round!”

Overtime!

Not having to rush home for R-rated fun means more time for work. Spend that dry spell freedom at the office and collect all the overtime and extra dollars you deserve. Imagine the class of condo you’ll be able to mortgage now!

Learn a new skill

As is kinda the theme here, periods of no sex are rife with free time. With all that, though, comes the inevitable, “what am I doing with my life?” crisis. Maybe make it a point before your next coital event to learn how to play the ukulele, do sweet kite tricks, butcher an animal in halal fashion, or any number of useful skills.

Sleep!

During my dry spell, I was alarmed how good I felt after a few months. The reason? I was sleeping more! Sure, it’s excellently fun to stay up enjoying nakedness, but a few extra hours of sleep here and there are so very valuable. You can wake up feeling like a different species of boss, a well-rested boss, unlike the vampire you were when sex was on the menu.

Meditation?

I know, I know, spirituality sounds wack. But meditation is pretty excellent, and you’d almost never choose sitting quietly in meditative awareness over sloppily making out with someone. A dry spell is the perfect chance to tap into basic goodness and now-ness. Seriously, guys, it’s pretty great.

The fatness

If sleep, spiritual enlightenment, or the ukulele aren’t in your wheelhouse, then perhaps binge eating is. I find that a dry spell is the perfect time to be a little gross, especially if you’re secure in your humanness even without the pleasures of sex. Slurping down cheeseburgers is actually a better activity alone or with friends than with a significant other or friend with benefits. It’s hard to be gastronomically yourself in front of someone who enjoys your body.

Masturbation

For some reason, there are still folks who see masturbation as shameful, a failure after not getting laid. Masturbation is actually a lovely event, an exploratory period between your mind and body, and maybe even a performer linked via digital wizardry. Tons of people are finding incredibly powerful connections with performers looking to create more personal content, the only caveat being that masturbation is the only physical release available in that situation. Jerking off is part of the wave of the future!

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