Retro Porn Review – The Mount of Venus

September 7, 2014
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Even in today’s world, it’s hard to keep up with technological and social advances. If you’re a Greek God, I can imagine staying on top of things gets exponentially more difficult.

Such is the problem that Jupiter Stormbringer (Jamie Gillis) has on The Mount of Venus. The 20th century was a lot to handle. As he woke up to find two girls 69ing next to him, Jupiter thought gathering people for an orgy would be a splendid idea; but rounding out a congregation for an old-timey orgy turned out to be more complicated than he thought. The mortals didn’t believe in the gifts of the Gods anymore. They weren’t getting many worshippers, definitely not as many as they used to.

Jupiter, always cocky and self-sufficient, took on the task of going back to Earth to “supply the ‘goodies’ for the orgy.” He suggested that a bit of “golden rain” should get things started, so he started peeing down from heaven. Luckily, on Earth the “golden rain” is not represented in the same form Jupiter expelled it, but in sexual desire. However, once Jupiter came down and explained, a completely unfazed young girl looked disappointed as she thought he meant “golden rain” acid. The whole movie is far more open discussing drugs than they used to at the time. While there might be a suggestive drug-related attitude in other films, they’re hardly talked about openly.

Retro Porn Review - The Mount of Venus

Jupiter started to realize the old tricks that used to work in ancient Roman times don’t have the same success in the present (well, the movie’s almost 40 years old, but work with me here.) He claimed mortals are more sophisticated now, so he tried to adapt to these changes. Getting a bra off, for instance, seems like a task Jupiter was definitely not equipped to handle.

While other Gods are looking down from the Mount of Venus, Jupiter — with the aid of his wife Juno (Georgina Spelvin) — managed to recruit enough people to get the orgy going, which of course had to be the final scene.

Georgina Spelvin, fresh out of the fame brought by The Devil in Miss Jones, had top billing, although Gillis was the clear lead, but it was 1975 and she could definitely sell a lot more tickets back then.

I liked the premise a lot, and would have preferred to see them do something better with it. I think I wanted to like this movie more than I did. The two leads are my favorite actors in porn; by far the most capable thespians in a genre that isn’t famous for acting chops. Having said all that, it’s really not a great film. The sex scenes are not very good, and the cheesy comedy attempts are far from anyone’s best. As an improviser, though, I respect they committed.

The film didn’t age well — in more than one way. The image is quite grainy, even in the restored version. Also, the editing is absolutely terrible, but it does enhance the silliness of the comedy, so there’s a chance that was on purpose.

Look, I love the people involved with The Mount of Venus, but this is a forgettable effort.

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