Retro Porn Review – Tapestry of Passion

April 19, 2015
0 Shares Facebook 0 Twitter 0 Google+ 0 Pin It Share 0 0 Shares ×

Retro Porn Review - Tapestry of Passion

Johnny Wadd was probably the most famous recurring male part in 70s adult cinema. It inspired Dirk Diggler’s own action movie character Brock Landers on Boogie Nights, and established the badass detective type within porn as much as it was already in mainstream culture.

And thus we have Tapestry of Passion.

John Holmes, of course, plays Johnny. The infamous private detective doesn’t have to do much but kick back and wait for cases to show up on his doorstep. Naturally, these cases also tend to come from very hot women in need, which Johnny seems to accommodate just fine.

The first one looking for his services is Jean Osborne (Leslie Bovee), a wealthy woman whose brother Tom is suspected to be the victim of a murder. Tom is a sex addict (undiagnosed back then, I’d assume) with an appetite that eventually leads him to some rough situations — but he is still her brother. While angry, Jean seems to not be bothered by all the mourning, and decides to give Johnny a bit of an advanced pussy payment in what is arguably the best sex scene of the film.

But the family isn’t done. Tom’s widow Pat (Annette Haven) also pays Johnny a visit, and as things tend to go for Mr. Wadd, the results are pretty similar to those of her sister-in-law. In classic Johnny Wadd tradition, he just runs into willing sexual partners while he conveniently works the case.

Johnny keeps an ear to the streets and manages to track down “The Black Widow” (Sharon Thorpe), a dominant prostitute whose ad in the paper attracts several kinky dudes that she poisons while she is having sex with them, which I can only imagine must be a difficult situation in which to keep an erection. There was no real mystery as to who did the killings, which could have helped Tapestry of Passion keep some intrigue other than whether 69ing was on the table, or if Wadd’s misogynistic crankiness would have him mumble “cunt” every time a woman left the room.

No acting performance is particularly good (it was a rare sub-par performance for the usually better Annette Haven), and the action scenes aren’t very believable. Having said that, the sex scenes are passionate, well lit (a problem in those days) and all the girls seem to have excellent chemistry with Holmes.

In this perfect world where a man just kills, fucks and does what he wants without consequences, Wadd takes things to the extreme. It takes a certain kind of mindset to know that a crazy woman is about to kill you, yet still get hard and have one for the road while waiting for the cops to show up. Then simply stop fucking nonchalantly and just walk away in front of the police from a crime scene where a man he shot is dead on the floor.

So where can Johnny go after that tumultuous scenario? Home, of course, where a large check and a comforting threesome await, because this is Johnny Wadd, and this shit is supposed to happen.

Rate this post

0 Shares Facebook 0 Twitter 0 Google+ 0 Pin It Share 0 0 Shares ×

comments

Warning

Adult-oriented material ahead!
Do you wish to proceed?

YES

No thanks.