Retro Porn Review – Fiona on Fire

August 3, 2014
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Fiona on Fire opens with a couple having sex in a fairly dark room. After they were done, the girl went for a post-coital shower. But just when we were ready for a better look at our starlet, a mysterious person walked into the bathroom and blew her head off. “Ah, a thriller!” I cried.

The bathroom was now a blood-splattered crime scene. The murdered woman was the famous model Fiona Slocomb (Amber Hunt). Lieutenant Willie Davis (Sam Dean) found her diary and began to interrogate possible suspects. The first of these was Fiona’s fiancé, Steven (Jamie Gillis), a junkie whose drug habit was inevitably related to his sex exploits. A devastated Steven then did the only logical thing, and ran off to his sister’s for… um… sex?! Alright, so maybe not so logical. The dude needed his fix, though, so we can’t be so quick to judge. Still in shock, Steven found some extra time after shooting up and played the submissive part with a dominatrix to alleviate all that tension. “You’re a dog, Steven. Why don’t you fuck me like a dog?” asked the dominatrix. Steven complied.

But just when we thought Steven was the deviant in the relationship, it starts to become clear most of the interviewed people were sexually linked to Fiona. Her delivery boy, her agent and a couple of random people all had motives and a relationship of some kind with the deceased.

In a slight twist towards mild blaxploitation, we saw Willy get into a car with a pimp – eventually revealed to be his brother – and another side of Fiona is now out in the open. While we were already aware that she liked adventurous sex, nothing could prepare us for what was coming. The pimp, affectionately nicknamed Blue, quickly warned us, “this ain’t Little Red Riding Hood.” She’d make him set some fairly violent rape-y scenes up for her.

Amber Hunt’s particularly bad acting kind of works for the part of Fiona, as her manipulative ways are supposed to be noticed yet disregarded by all of her sexual conquests. Fortunately, Gillis and the very pragmatic Gloria Leonard (as Sybil, her agent) remind you that several of the era’s most wanted porn stars could still hang with Hollywood’s best.

Of course, the biggest two reveals come later in the movie, but I’ll leave those out and avoid spoilers. Fiona on Fire is packed with action, mystery, bad acting, good acting, some S&M, a little incest and a couple of highly inappropriate racial slurs. To be perfectly honest, it feels a bit long, but it does have enough redeeming qualities to keep you interested.

Retro Porn Review – Fiona on Fire 3 votes

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