Is the Government Planning a War on Porn Now?

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With news that a “panel of activists” has proclaimed online porn consumption to be a “public health crisis,” I’m hoping that the U.S. government takes notice, swings into action and declares an all-out War on Porn.

Why on earth would a woman who earns her living in the adult entertainment industry want the government to declare war on the porn industry? That’s easy; with zero exceptions that I can think of, every time the U.S. government declares “war” on something, that ‘something’ goes on to do very, very well as the war progresses.

Is the Government Planning a War on Porn Now?

Don’t take my word for it; let’s do a quick historical review of the U.S. government’s various wars on common nouns, shall we?

The War on Poverty: 50 years ago, President Lyndon B. Johnson declared the War on Poverty (“WOP”). In legislative form, the WOP was embodied by the Economic Opportunity Act. Looking around the country today, it’s obvious how effective this effort has been; just ask anyone from Buffalo County, South Dakota, where the annual per capita income has spiked up to a whopping $5,213 per year, or take a tour of lovely Detroit, Michigan, where the roughly seventeen residents who haven’t fled Motown’s warp-speed urban decay will be happy to share a cup of warm Midwestern gruel with you while they wax poetic on the efficacy the WOP and how it has saved the Motor City from bankruptcy being traded to Estonia in exchange for a large sack of grain.

Is the Government Planning a War on Porn Now?

The War on Drugs: When Richard Nixon declared drug abuse to be “public enemy number one” back in 1971, two things were obvious: (1) the scourge of drug abuse was living on borrowed time here in America because the Commander in Chief had just put drugs on notice and (2) Nixon had obviously never heard of Count Yorga, who, as any child of the early 70s can tell you, was the Keyser Soze of his era (albeit with even scarier teeth).

The media helpfully added their own layer of hysteria by coining the term “War on Drugs” (“WOD”) as the bold rallying cry to carry forward Tricky Dick’s vision for a less-stoned America. Here we are, a mere 43 years later, and you hardly ever hear about people doing drugs these days. Plus, if ever there has been a war that was almost universally supported by the American people, the WOD is it.

The War on Terror: Even though the War on Terror (“WOT?”) was declared less than 13 years ago, I’m pretty sure it’s over and the U-S-of-A won it decisively, no questions asked, Mission Accomplished and high fives all around. Otherwise, I’d still be reading about drone strikes killing Al Qaeda-linked militants in Yemen or Pakistan, and I haven’t seen one of those for months weeks days hours at least several minutes.

Going in to any war, even one against an inanimate opponent, it’s important that you have realistic expectations for the conflict. In the case of the (hopefully impending) War On Porn (“WOP II: Electric Boogaloo”) my outlook is modest and realistic. I merely expect WOP II to decisively reverse the downward trend of porn industry revenues, create a massive windfall of lasting wealth for current porn producers, and foster the development of thriving black and gray markets for illicit porno – which is to say all porno, since the first step in WOP II necessarily must be to declare sexually explicit content illegal across our great and seriously-wants-to-be-chaste nation.

Is the Government Planning a War on Porn Now?

Critics of the WOP II concept will inevitably declare it to be “censorship,” claim that it violates the First Amendment and other high-minded crap like that, but really…. who cares? Just as prosecution of the WOT is clearly more important than trivial matters such as the Fourth Amendment and the highly-overrated notion of habeas corpus, it’s worth fundamentally eroding our collective freedom of expression if it means protecting people from their own desires and proclivities, not to mention the life-threatening danger of actually witnessing double-penetration in progress.

Come on, President Obama – grow a pair and do what you do best: circumvent the war-declaring authority of the U.S. Congress and ship the troops en masse over to Van Nuys, forthwith!

Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com.
There she often waxes eloquent about sex, porn, sex toys, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of Fifty Shades of Grey and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist.

With over 16 years’ experience of writing about and for the adult entertainment industry under her belt, Coleen qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.

Coleen’s work has appeared under various pen names in adult industry trade journals and on several mainstream op-ed portals, including the The Washington Post, Huffington Post and Salon.

She is also the editor and curator of Eroticscribes.com

When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.

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