Jefferson Bites was emailing me from a kink camp. A self-proclaimed pervert, Bites began blogging salacious true stories at “One Life, Take Two” in 2004, and then taking the tales to the stage in live shows like “Bare! True Stories of Sex, Desire, and Romance.” His blog documented his new life-in-progress; his wife left him after 15 years of marriage, and he found himself a suddenly single father of four, free to pursue his reemerging, sex-positive self. (He’s a DILF, according to the anthology Hot Dads.)
I’d contacted Bites about a story related to the inimitable Linda Lovelace. As a 12-year-old boy, he saw “Deep Throat” for the first time —with his parents. His father had been given a used VHS player by a friend, along with three VHS tapes. (Hello, young readers— have I lost you yet?) The tapes were “Smokey and The Bandit”, “Disco Beavers From Outer Space”, and “Deep Throat.” His parents decided they’d all watch “Deep Throat” together, ignorant of what was to come. Many of us are introduced to sex in secretive or highly misinformed ways. I wondered if that epically awkward incident was how Jefferson Bites learned about sex.
“Learning about sex is an ongoing process,” he wrote via iPhone from the kink camp. (Was he typing on the keyboard with a pen in his mouth, naked, hands tied behind his back? One has to wonder!) “In my case,” he said, “I learned by experimenting with friends and masturbating to Cosmo. I was sure I invented masturbation. I still fetishize the 70’s Cosmo look… These days, I write and perform nonfiction erotica so I grew up to be a smutmonger!” He also became a big fan of Marilyn Chambers, whose films his then-girlfriend turned him onto.
As an adult, Bites had the good fortune of meeting Linda Lovelace, though he was more interested in her story than in her films. “Lovelace ultimately felt used by both porn and the anti-porn second wave feminists she joined,” he noted. “What’s striking about the anti-porn movement of the pre-VHS era is that most people had not actually seen a porn film.”
These days, Bites cites Danny Wylde and Madison Young as his favorite porn stars. When I asked him if he ever talked to his parents about watching Deep Throat, he said, “I haven’t revisited this with my parents, but my brothers think it’s hilarious.”