Andre Johnson Announces Porn Plans

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Image above: s_bukley / Shutterstock.com

If you’re a hip hop fan, or a severed penis enthusiast, or neither but you just happen to occasionally watch horrifying news that you can’t look away from, you might remember hearing about rapper Andre Johnson, a.k.a. Christ Bearer, who back in April cut off his own penis before jumping off a balcony.

Even though the situation seemed like a sure bet to be career-ending, a distinctively aggressive Johnson made it very clear to TMZ that he’s back – all parts of him, apparently – and is looking to prove himself in different mediums.

When asked if he was on drugs the night of the events, an understandably still shook Johnson replied, “it was fucking PCP,” adding a little message for the youth, “Kids say no to drugs. Kids don’t do drugs.”

http://youtu.be/B7uzxdHETbA

You know, when Nancy Reagan said that some 30 years ago, it was easy to dismiss her opinion; after all, what could the first lady possibly know about recreational drug use? In this case, though, there might have never been a best scared straight tactic to a sober life. It makes a far more effective prevention strategy when a kid asks you what the likely consequences of PCP use are and you can answer, “Well, not in every case, champ; but people have been known to chop their dicks off and jump off buildings. Just saying…”

According to Christ Bearer, he’s supposed to be working on an album with the RZA, who’s been very busy with different Wu-related ventures, but most likely this just means a cameo on one of the many Wu-Tang side-projects.

When asked if his newly re-attached penis still worked, Johnson got a little more defensive and yelled back the only way he ever would, “Does it work?! Can Chris Brown dance? Can Kanye West rant? Can Jay Z fight off a trick? I’m doing pornos, too!”

I find it a little bit funny that he needs to “prove it”, but I guess in the hip hop world you’ve got to keep certain toughness appearances. Even with the ever-changing times, being perceived as a “real man” in the rap scene is important. Whether Johnson’s johnson will function properly is anyone’s guess at this point, though.

He added a little shout out to the adult powerhouse Vivid, who is allegedly interested in cashing in on the situation. This is not the first time this happens. You might remember that 20 years ago (man, does time fly or what?) John Bobbit, whose wife Lorena made major headlines for cutting his penis off, also had a very short – I swear there’s no pun intended – stint in porn. So there’s your lesson, guys. Even if you can’t avoid PCP, and you happen to find yourself penis-less, if you keep it on ice and re-attach it successfully, you too could make a terrible porn movie to pay your medical and legal bills.

Live your dreams.

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