Henry Deltoid’s Beer Review takes a look at Samuel Smith’s “Organic Chocolate Stout”
Milk/Sweet Stout – 5.0% ABV – IBU: N/A (the IBU rating on this is probably less than 10 to be honest)
Samuel Smith is an extremely respected brewer in the community. I have never been very impressed with their brews myself, although I seem to stand among the minority when Samuel Smith comes up in a beer conversation.
Nonchalantly I will say, “I don’t really like Samuel Smith’s beer. It’s OK.”
The response? “WHAT IN THE BLUE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?”
And then I start dodging flying, sharp utensils and glassware like George W. Bush ducking angrily pitched shoes.
I am versed enough in booze however to say that their “Organic Chocolate Stout”, while not the beer for me, is a high quality beverage. If you’re into sweet stouts, and enjoy a creamy, chocolaty dessert drink this is definitely a must have. I enjoyed it, but when I drink beer I’m in the mood for beer, not dessert. I want to taste alcohol, not candy. I want to feel like a man, not a menopausal broad who is angry because her Ashley Madison date stood her up. And at 5.0% ABV, don’t expect to feel a soothing buzz after one of these. And don’t expect to crave a second bottle after one, either. That’s my problem with this beer. Although I like it, after drinking one I feel both full and sober. That’s an undesirable feeling to me.
Aesthetically this is a marvelous beverage. It’s deep, dark, chocolaty brown. The head is tall and resembles icing; thick, tan, creamy, velvety. It smells like a sweet chocolate cake with a hint of malt. The lacing is moderate and somewhat impressive. While the flavor is not what I seek when I drink a beer, the mouth-feel and the drinkability of this brew compensate for its intense chocolate dessert flavor. It is watery, slick, easy to gulp, highly carbonated and creamy. It’s actually quite light and does not require slow sipping and chewing. It tastes like candy chocolate, with some malt, cinnamon and clove. A tiny tad of bitterness lurks within. There really isn’t any semblance of beer here, though. I could have believed it was a chocolate soda beverage instead of a stout beer. The aftertaste profile is sugary cocoa and slightly malty. It doesn’t leave a sticky, rancid aftertaste like some other gimmicky sweet chocolate stouts out there, so for that it deserves credit. However, when finished with a bottle I felt full yet unsatisfied. A second bottle of this would be entirely too much, and difficult to finish. It’s quite strange.
If I want a drink like this I’ll just stick with Yoohoo. So, when would this beer be appropriate? I recommend it after a light dinner when there is some room in the belly, if you enjoy this type of beer. I also recommend it for holiday parties. I’m sure guests would enjoy it and it would give them something to remember. Last but not least, it would make a very good impression with the chocolate addict ladies. It is classy and sweet. Chocolate is an aphrodisiac to some broads, and so if you deviate from wine one evening and follow my formula you’re sure to be a hit: Samuel Smith’s Organic Stout + cunnilingus + the high hard one = woman wrapped around your finger. Go for it.
Style: 9/10
Overall: 5.5/10
Deltoid, your reviews are hilarious and smart. Were I a rich man, or a man with time to spare, I’d see to it that you had a new liver waiting for you once this one gives out.
Thank you, kind sir. I detest my liver and have waged war on it.
Cheers!
– Deltoid