Some years back I went on a few dates with this guy who would never pay for anything. Now I’m all for going dutch and I’m also the kind of gal who doesn’t mind footing the bill or buying a few rounds of drinks if I’m having a good time, but I like the same courtesy to be extended to me. Now this guy and I ended up as friends and throughout our friendship, he never once bought me a drink, or a dang taco. However he had no problem coming over and drinking my wine, or having me buy him drinks or even footing some bills. It’s not that he didn’t have money, he did, but for some reason he refused to pay for anything.
There is nothing as unattractive as a stingy man. To be honest, him not offering to pay for our first date meal contributed to us not becoming lovers but remaining friends (and that friendship ended as well). Like I said, it’s not that I needed him to pay, it wasn’t an expensive meal, it’s just that by paying or at least offering to pay he was showing a side of himself that made him appealing – generosity; that in this world where women demand equality, he was a man that was willing to be chivalrous and generous – and that could translate to him being able to take care of a family and be a kind father.
No matter how much I consider myself a feminist, I still maintain that men should always pay for the first date. Here’s why:
It shows your character
By forking out for the first meal, you’re saying that she’s worth it. She might not (and should not) expect you to pay for all the meals but at least on this first one you’re telling her, her company is worth it and you value her.
What if she wants to go dutch?
That’s a good sign, it means she wasn’t expecting you to pay. I’d insist on getting the first round but say you’d be grateful if she could get a round of drinks after. If you’re going for a movie, then the tickets should be on you, and she can pay for the snacks. Basically, the first cheque should be covered by you.
If she just sits there at the end of the meal not even pretending to reach for her purse, perhaps you should keep a close eye out to see if she’s really interested in you and not just your wallet. And also, just because you paid for the meal, doesn’t mean you can expect some after dinner delight! We want to stick with chivalrous and not cross over to chauvinistic.
We’re complicated creatures I know, we want to be independent, yet we want you to pay on the first date. It’s not actually about the money, but more about the message behind the gesture. Remember that! Also remember, you don’t need to splurge on an extra expensive restaurant to impress her! Good luck!