When my boyfriend and I had only been dating for a couple of weeks I casually asked him over a shared bottle of wine,“Do I look like either of your parents at all?”
“Not my parents… maybe my Grandma… but only in the chest region…” he replied, without realizing that it sounded as if he was saying that I had saggy tits. “Broad shoulders and big knockers, ya know? Why do you ask?”
“Oh, no reason…” I lied, changing the subject and topping up his glass, using alcohol as if it were one of those memory zappers from Men In Black.
Close to one year later we were at a party chatting to a friend who has no grasp on tact or any social cues, for that matter. Walking away for a top-up he blurted out from the distance “Hey Eves, have you noticed that Lucas looks a lot like your…”
All of a sudden, like we were in a predictable American sitcom, the room was silent just in time for him to drop the D bomb.
In slow motion I shook my head and whispered “nooooo” as if under an old timey spell it would only become true once someone had uttered the words.
Then he said it.
Everyone turned to check out my boyfriend/dad doppelganger and nodded, agreeing, while Lucas just stood there uncomfortably wondering what kind of sick fetish he was unknowingly a part of.
“Do you think so?” I said with enough awkward stuttering to show that I was fully aware of his admission. Inside my head the language was a little fruitier as I swore at my friend for broadcasting the secret I’d managed to keep under wraps for so long.
I’ll be the first to admit that I often take Freud’s words for gospel, relaying them at every opportunity, but he does serve me well here. He assures me that I’m not the only one in such a pickle with what he’s called the Oedipus complex.
My advice for anyone in a similar situation is “wardrobe control”. This is the term I have given to the practice of controlling my partner’s outfits (including but not limited to hair, glasses and cologne) to make sure he seems to be as far from my father as possible.
Either that or move overseas and start your life anew.
If you stay put, be prepared for your friends to start referring to your partner as “mom” or “pops”. Yeah that’ll happen…