The Badass Vegan Internet Cookbook

July 13, 2014
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Recently, I went on a mouthwatering harvest of all the craziest and best uses of bacon across the Internet. I encountered disturbingly huge meat piles and delicately constructed bacon triumphs. Now, though, I’m turning to the opposite of wrapping things in bacon then wrapping them in more bacon: veganism. If you’ve read my extensive bibliography of food rants, you know that, despite my love of meat, poultry, and dairy, I have one cooking rule:

“If you can’t cook vegan, you can’t cook.”

I’m sure I didn’t coin that (please, if you find it said on the Internet not by me, please post the original source), but it’s the truth. Meat and cheese are culinary cheat codes (especially bacon), hence why many are apprehensive of going vegan. I myself am not a vegan, but I believe veganism can be super rad and epic.

The Badass Vegan Internet Cookbook

To prove it, I delved into the Internet yet again to find the craziest vegan recipes and things I could uncover.

First off, remember cronuts, the horrifying but delicious Frankenstein monster of donuts and croissants? Well, I found some vegan cronuts that looked absolutely ridiculous. The rest of the vegan-cooking site I found them on is rife for the culinary ideas as well. You should also check out the epic simulacrum of a Momofuku dessert.

For the burger lovers out there, a vegan burger may never quench that meat lust. To me, a good veggie or vegan burger should not be a stand in for a beef burger, but a different food entirely. Something as delicious and complex as this will make you crave it in particular, as opposed to substituting another gastronomic lust.

The Badass Vegan Internet Cookbook

The website Cooking Stoned has some good ideas too, writing that people should see the possibilities of veganism. One recipe in particular, among the other six, is an exceptional example of how to take a meat eater and make them eat their words (which are also vegan, for the most part).

Maybe the most awesome thing I found was the Vegan Crunk website, a blog that makes everyone wish they were as crunk as this particular vegan. Who knew that you could take soul food, strip away all the meats, and turn it into delicious, delicious culinary magic? I definitely didn’t, but this blogger and crazy vegan food enthusiast (who also has a cookbook called Cookin’ Crunk) has changed my perspective.

And if you really need to go back to basics, but consider yourself a high level cook with non-vegan ingredients, there’s this super handy guide to handling every vegan’s favorite ingredients. You’ll never look at a package of tofu and be like, “what do I do with this? what is it?” again, and gain access to a parallel universe of delicious foods that most folks who deem veganism as silly wouldn’t even know what to do with. Sally forth, happy eaters!

And if you’re like, “dude, vegan food is stupid,” then you are missing out, my friend. Try just one of these recipes and you’ll never want to be solely a carnivore again (that being said, there’s nothing wrong with being an omnivore, but learning to cook and enjoy vegan fare is gastronomically enlightening).

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