The Oldest Profession In the World

July 5, 2014
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Above: Peggy loves fisting!

‘I wanna live fast, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse.’ This quote, or a variation thereof, is usually attributed to James Dean. Though after wrecking his car at 85mph, it’s doubtful that his corpse was particularly appealing to look at. But since the majority of us don’t go the Dean route, we eventually have to start thinking about financing our retirement. State pensions are woefully inadequate, and private pensions seen as untrustworthy. So how can we be sure of having enough to live on in our decrepit old age? A program on the UK’s Channel 4 offered a slightly unusual solution.

The Oldest Profession In the World
Mildred’s into bukkake, as long as she has her goggles!

Keeping busy…

Governments are now trying to keep us working well beyond traditional retirement ages. I’m wondering if this foreshadows the zombie apocalypse, and that the hordes of shuffling undead are actually centenarians forced to carry on working. But some people don’t want to retire, and others take the opportunity to embark upon a new career after 65. But no career change is quite as unusual as that chosen by the ladies featured in ‘My Granny the Escort’. Yes, there are mature ladies offering their services as ladies of the night (but not too late at night). Unlike Amsterdam twins Louise and Martine Fokkens, who recently retired after 50 years of prostitution, these women are actually taking up the trade later in life.

The Oldest Profession In the World
Hilda thinks semen tastes better in a bone china teacup…


Now, your initial reaction may be one of disgust. Who wants to sleep with a geriatric hooker? Well, plenty of clients do, if the programme was anything to go by. The women featured were doing very nicely. With sex, there is something for everyone, and uncommon tastes like gerontophilia (a sexual preference for elderly people) are just as valid as any other legal practise. The ‘granny escorts’ loved their new career. They’d found a way of earning extra cash and satisfying their need for sex. Yes, old people have sex too. You probably will when you get old.

So here we have a potential solution to the pension problem. If your mojo doesn’t curl up and die as you hurtle towards your twilight years, become a septuagenarian escort. It’s a win-win situation. People actually want to sleep with you, you’re too old to worry about catching any nasties, and you earn extra cash while lying down. You’re also too old to worry what anyone thinks of you. So turn your retirement home into a bordello and enjoy your new career. Happy hooking!

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