Some Silly Ideas for Valentine’s Day

February 12, 2014
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After pondering Valentine’s Day a bit more, I’d be remiss if I didn’t at least give some advice for folks wishing to do something at least a little epic as an individual or as part of a love unit. In a previous article, I declared Valentine’s Day to be an evil paradox trap, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find some ways to enjoy it.

Let’s start with couples (and polyamorous groupings). As I said before, you are up against a lot on this most ridiculous of holidays. So, before it even begins, I suggest you set the ground rules before. Find out what exactly it is that your partner(s) wants, and go to reasonable lengths to make that wish a reality. Maybe with a little extra, you know, because you care that much. Don’t let the collective guilt of Valentine’s Day force you into buying diamonds (that’s nonsense), but get your romance on a little. It doesn’t really pay to be cynical, not when everyone else is trying to be (hipsters!). A decent Valentine’s date is just like any other date, just try to keep the ball in your court and not let the parameters of the day win (keep reminding yourself you are in control, not society).

Some Silly Ideas for Valentine's Day

If you want to cook, Jimmy Yitzak has lovely recipes for steaks and chicken.

Now, single people, the 14th doesn’t have to be a lonely day. Make it as epic as possible (because that’s how you should treat every day, really). Most likely, you have a pile of single friends. Instead of each one of you trying to adventure for an individual of your own, join forces and make mutually enjoyable plans for the lot. Remember, it’s a Friday this year, so go out, cook bacon weaves, invent a drinking game based on how many couples you see getting into silly fights. The evening is yours. Here are some terrible but awesome ideas for this:

Have a party with a theme as far from Valentine’s Day as possible, like an edible hat party, or an outdoor, household object jousting festival. Any couple seeing this event on Facebook will instantly want to join you, then realize what day it is. Juxtaposed against your epic festival, any date will look boring and lame.

Find out where your dear couple friends are having their dates and stage really romantic wedding proposals right next to their restaurant or cafe table. There’s nothing more sinister than out-romancing friends.

Harvest really sad news stories from the Internet a day before and setup activist events right near any known spots of romantic intrigue. Any couple that complains that you are killing the mood will be ostracized and you will have defeated cynicism forever (well, maybe not, but you may force a few couples to realize that their love is more powerful than any tragedy, which is wrong of course but it’s like wingmanning?).

And finally, do that, you know, be a wingman for all your friends. Fall on swords and grenades to ensure maximum exposure to nakedness for your friends and colleagues. If Valentine’s Day is a day for love, may as well admit defeat and make the most of it (emotionally questionable, yes, but it’s the holiday’s fault).

I can affirm that any of these amazing ideas can work when performed by couples as well. Couples are terrific wingman units (“it seems to be working for them, maybe I should trust them!”), and jousting can be done with a couple versus a couple. Couples that are crazy can also be used as the pretend proposal actors (“that’s actually when we decided to get married!”), and a couple that has nothing to talk about would benefit from a depressing news harvest. Really, being crazy shouldn’t be the intellectual property of just singles or the love shackled. A crazy party is always more interesting with a couple or two to add some drama or much needed grossness.

Mostly, though, you don’t really need to do anything on Valentine’s, so long as you are aware of the crazy expectations of those in your immediate world. If your partner really wants to do something, there’s no harm in letting your Valentine’s rage go and just have a decent enough time (again, being cynical really doesn’t help you all that much). The holiday doesn’t win if you do something fun, it only wins if you spend exorbitant funds you don’t have, or do something cliché you really don’t want to do (because you don’t enjoy the specific activity, not society’s opinion of it). It’s up to you, crazy friends. Just don’t buy Hallmark (Cupid is watching you!).

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  1. Haha, even though I think you were trying to show a little less hatred towards V day, most of your ideas involved sabotaging others plans!

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