SCOTUS vs The Right-Wing Cry Babies

June 29, 2015
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SCOTUS vs The Right-Wing Cry Babies

The smell of victory is never sweeter than when the losing side – bedecked in old fashioned attitudes and platitudes – bawls long into the night like the increasingly irrelevant sacks of shit that they are.

The US Supreme Court (SCOTUS) passed two historic motions this past week. The first involved Obamacare being upheld in the face of a gang of inhuman bastards who – for their own incredible reasons – don’t want to see the basics of healthcare provided to the poorest in society. Hey, you don’t even have to be ‘poor’ to be stung by the highly improbable costs of health insurance. The Affordable Health Care Act isn’t some crazed liberal scheme designed to chase the moneyed elite out of town (although that would be kinda fun)… it’s basic humanity

The second ruling – not 24 hours later – was the one that really got some piss-soaked underwear in bunches. SCOTUS finally approved nationwide federal same sex marriage in all states across the Union. Following the Republic of Ireland’s recent referendum in favor of the same issue – and a slew of other nations that have approved it already – millions in the US and the world over rejoiced. And just in time for Pride festivities across the globe too. What a time to be alive, huh?

Uhh well, yes… if you’re normal and actually believe people should be afforded the same rights regardless of sexuality. But sure enough, the same ol’ faces – the good ol’ boys and girls who hang about in darker and more oppressive plains – threw up their arms in disgust and wailed and wailed and wailed, presumably fearing some kind of 28 Days Later-style Attack Of The Gays.

Oh lordy… where to begin? Social media was a blaze of glory as reams of right-wing commentators span until they were dizzy, vomiting out uncontrollably odd and strangely lucid opinions about the implications for the nation of same sex marriage. Bryan Fischer – a host on the AFR Talk Network (no, me neither) – led the way in asinine and incredible statements. To wit…

Oh yeahhhh, that’s right. Our boy Fischer is comparing one of the darkest days in the nation’s history with a concept that has brought about a smattering of equality for millions of people. Fischer – who looks like he models loose-fitting slacks and colostomy bags in those weird catalogues you get from time to time – didn’t do so well in proving that he isn’t at all unhinged. He went on to attack homosexuals as ‘sexual deviants‘, then invoked Godwin’s Law before finally going completely loopy and paraphrasing Don McLean’s American Pie as a bemused audience watched on in a mixture of horror and delight.

Bob Owens – one of those guys for whom simply owning a gun isn’t enough, he obviously wants to have sex with it too – decided that for whatever reasons, the federal approval of same sex marriage meant that people could carry EVEN MORE guns but… get this… now with even more concealment rights. As if enough carnage hasn’t been wrought upon the USA in the last 12 months because of guns. Let’s have more. Yeehaw!

Meanwhile, onto the 2016 Presidential hopefuls, who haven’t so much covered themselves in glory this time around but stripped off and thrown their flabby bodies into the septic tank of their own rotten opinions. Donald Trump – the man who is so reprehensibly stupid that he constantly tweets about his love for serial killers – decided to wade in to the affair with an attack on the ruling that was not only unwelcome but factually incorrect!

Anyone keeping score – or who actually read about the thing that happened – will know that Justice John Roberts actually dissented against the motion. At this point you start to wonder if ol’ Donald can spell his own name. Away with you, wiggy.

…and finally – because we really could go on about this all day – another GOP hopeful, Mike Huckabee, made another series of insane proclamations from his twisted castle in the sky…

Bear in mind, ladies and gents, that this is a man who is on record earlier this month as vigorously defending the self-confessed child molester Josh Duggar so really…who gives a rainbow-covered fuck what this guy says?

History is a fable written by the victors and to watch the losers slowly vanish into irrelevance is so sweet it might just give you diabetes.

SCOTUS vs The Right-Wing Cry Babies 5 votes

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