You’re on some form of public transit, trying to entertain yourself. You’ve tried books, iPhones, iPads, your own thoughts, maybe even a crossword puzzle if you think you’re clever or something. But the experience is monotonous, not an adventure, super damn boring. So here’s some ideas for making those long public transit trips more enjoyable, for you, and for the schnooks traveling alongside you on those smelly buses, metros, and, well, sidewalks.
Of course, what’s entertainment without a little ridiculousness? Doing something out of the ordinary, inspired by flash mobs and the like, spices up getting to and from your other boring facets of life. You can turn a whole lot of frowns into smiles (or scar someone for the rest of the day, your choice!).
First off, everyone loves birthdays, especially if they involve cake. So next time you have to get on the metro or bus and you know it’s gonna be a terrible day, bake a cake the night before, adorn it with candles, and enter the vehicle brandishing said cake. Then pick the saddest bastard (or lady), quickly guess their name and write it on the cake using your concealed tube of frosting. Proceed to go over to that sad sack and sing them the most heartfelt happy birthday song ever. You shall make the entire vehicle’s life.
Another idea is to stage an entire wedding right there on a public transit machine. All you need is a fake rabbi and a fake partner, and fancy clothes and whatnot. And, of course, someone in the back of the bus or train to object to the wedding. Then there’s an epic fight inspired by love and lust. Basically you do a soap opera all up in that transit vehicle.
Or, if you’re absolutely crazy, you can do something similar to that last suggestion, but instead of staging a wedding, just ask every single person on that vehicle to marry you, as sweetly as possible. And if anyone says yes, say, “I knew you would! Come with me darling, and we’ll celebrate at the restaurant where we had our first date!” Get off the vehicle with that person and buy them a meal at whatever restaurant you find first.
Of course, some of these schemes hone in on the embarrassment of one person. So, play games. Next time you’re bored, play duck-duck-goose. Like, with every single human on that metro or bus, including the driver or conductor. You can even do this at a bus stop or train station or a place where people are bored waiting around. You’ll rekindle childhood like a wizard. Who doesn’t love reliving their childhood memories via strange encounters in public spaces? If you’re thinking even more intense, get two flags of opposing colors, go to a big station, and attempt an awesome game of Capture the Flag. Minimal injuries a possibility.
But remember, one of the boring parts of the transit world is how little people know each other. It’s a moving room full of strangers. So, to combat this, get yourself a bundle of nametags and gong. Give nametags to people. Announce speed dating is about to begin. Ring gong. See results. Or, give people a personality scavenger hunt (“Find one person who’s been to the moon” or “Find one person who has crippling sadness”). Ring gong. See results.
Really, there is a cornucopia of different options for jazzing up your public transit journey, whether kid’s games, personality experiments, or guerrilla theater. Even just sitting next to a random person and reading to them from a picture book, that’d be fun. Creepy, but memorable for sure. Happy disruption, you fine folks!