Holiday Ideas That Are Rated XXX-Mas

December 28, 2016
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Holiday mania has begun. Here in America, the windows are dressed with garish bling. Santa made his appearance alongside Halloween candy, ghost costumes and bloody nurses uniforms; his earliest efforts toward Christmas commerce yet.

Chanukah begins during thanksgiving this year, which means that you can purchase more stuff for yourself and the ones you love while being thankful for all you’ve got.

saucy xmas

So what to buy? Most of us have more than enough chatchkes. We don’t really NEED anything. Maybe this can be the year of gifts that keep on ‘cumming’. How about a porn subscription or a new dildo or a stocking full of various lubrications and condoms… How about a handmade coupon book designed specifically towards sexual and sensual encounters for your significant other… How about a night in a fancy hotel for your parents and a bottle of spirits for your boss…

All of your gifts can be dusted with Orris root, a plant with a reputation for seduction. All of your wrappings can be sprayed with Hawthorn; heart medicine. Rhodiola tincture can be given on its own to increase libido…. There are numerous plant remedies that can be used as aphrodisiacs but with added health benefits to boot.

Of course there’s always chocolate and other delicacies. Good food is a great way to loosen pants strings and to set the mood. Prepare a meal with a pomegranate reduction. This can be drizzled over pretty much ANYTHING for a tasty treat. If you’re not confident in the kitchen, save up and take your lover out. Go to the fanciest place you can think of that has an unfamiliar menu. Order something strange and exotic. Sometimes simply trying something new precipitates an openness to “trying something new”.

Trying something new can be the theme of gift giving as 2013 winds down. We all need something new after this doozy of a year but not necessarily something that can be put on a shelf to collect dust. New experiences, renewed lust for life, renewed passion and a new set of bed sheets to greet the new year…

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