Hipster Baby Names… Really?

July 14, 2014
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This morning, doing my usual sniffing around the web, I stumbled onto Fit Pregnancy’s article on Hipster baby names. Well, of course. Of course I want my baby to have a hipster name. Because hipster-ism (it’s a thing right?) is going to last forever. Like tattoo-ed eyebrows and jeggings. I want my baby to have a name like Enoch or Gulliver because that will prevent him from any sort of malicious childhood bullying. For sure my child will thank me.

I’m sure you know this on some level, perhaps just as a theory – your child is not just a means for your to project all your anxieties – you know this right? He or she is not an extension of you, your success or failures. Naming your baby a ‘trendy’ shitty name because at the time you wanted him/her to match your hipster lifestyle is equal to (or should be at least) child abuse. Well, technically it isn’t really child abuse, but why set your baby up to fail so early on in their life?

I’m not really sure what signifies ‘hipster-ism’ enough for it to become a hipster name. I’m assuming the name should have enough weirdness and obscurity so that you can smugly tell your friends who ask, “Oh what an interesting name. Where does it come from?” that this is the name of so-and-so clever person/artist/Greek god/etc. that only you and the wifey know of because of your enhanced sense of culture and all around clever hipsterness. In case you’re wondering here are the hipster names:

Hipster Baby Names... Really?

The boys:

  • Auden
  • Byron
  • Enoch
  • Gulliver
  • Ignatius
  • Lennon
  • Murray
  • Nico
  • Orson
  • Roman
  • Salinger
  • Zane

Hipster Baby Names... Really?

The Girls:

  • Briseida
  • Farrah
  • Inez
  • Liora
  • Minnie
  • Odette
  • Pandora
  • Romy
  • Suzette
  • Tessie
  • Wren
  • Zola

I dunno, I feel that these names still lack the true hipster-ism that they could achieve. They lack true weirdness, creativity and ‘pop’! I have a few suggestions that parents could use as well. Here are some suggestions for hipster names:

For boys (I thought few city names would add some flavor, seeing that Brooklyn is so last year now):

  • Bali
  • Johannesburg
  • Rajasthan
  • Dumbledore
  • Aquaman

For Girls:

  • Petunia
  • Playa
  • Morticia
  • Starburst
  • Imaginia

Any more hipster names to add to the list?

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