I’m about to take a big, steamy piss over every feministic view I’ve ever had and I’m going to do it with my word-dick. That could be the strangest sentence I’ve ever jotted down but I do hope it makes even a sprinkling of sense. Anyway, here comes the piss…

I’m all for foreplay, equal rights, cars with hundreds of cute compartments like giant, rolling handbags, and all that other bullshit that ladies enjoy, but one thing I can’t get behind is casually dressed, non-made up employees in a few key roles.

Sure it would be nice to see the check-out-chicks cleavage as she bends to pack our groceries. And yeah, it would raise a few smiles if all bar tenders were flirtatious but it’s never seemed essential for these gals to be glamorous. We as a society can’t simply desire pretty ladies waiting on us in every customer service position, but aren’t a few things sacred?

Out of all the clichéd occupations that regularly find themselves the centre of porn – the teacher, the nurse, the secretary, etc. – my favorite would have to be the air hostesses. It’s with a heavy heart that I watch policies and budget cuts eradicating the old school albeit chauvinist image that they once came with like a beautiful leggy package. When did unions go and ruin the fun for us all by allowing trousers and flat shoes and a general lack of sex appeal in what was once deemed a very sexy position indeed?

We’ve established that nursing is actually a pretty disgusting job and also one that requires a solid education and a decent about of respect. If nurses don’t wear sexy, white dresses and stockings cheekily held up by garter belts, that’s totally fine with me. But really, air-hostesses in T-shirts?

A prime example of how much the image has changed over the years is the uniform that Singapore’s Scoot airline has decided to haunt their employees with. A yellow and black polyester mess is all it can be described as.

I’m going to give an honorable mention to Easy Jet who’ve taken a leaf out of some of the more stylish airlines like Virgin and Emirates, for upgrading their look to a slightly more tailored, polished, grey uniform, rather than the orange sacks they once adorned. Air Canada, seemed to have good intentions behind their recent revamp but unfortunately the frump factor is still majorly high.

In the song Most Beautiful Girl in the Room, the Flight of the Conchords rightly stated: “You’re so hot, you could be an air hostess in the 60s.” They failed to mention their daggy, t-shirt wearing companions of the current era for good reason. When I’m Mayor of the Universe, air-hostesses will be babes again, just watch.