Awesome Fake Things That You Should Believe In

August 24, 2014
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The world seems a cold, dark place. The onslaught of scary information and hyper realistic/depressing viewpoints of the planet has made cynics of us all. As well, wily politicians have branded true scrutiny and intelligence as boorish and unpatriotic, so there’s a rift between folks who think a whole lot and others who just want to let naivety wash over them for an glorious while. There should be a middle ground, where fantasy business and important brain business get to be synapse friends.

I say if it doesn’t take any more energy, why not believe in something awesome? I don’t know head-shrinkin’ science, but to me, it takes the same amount of energy to believe in something like yetis than not, and it assuredly makes you happier than if you’re averse to such weird conceptions. Strange myths and legends may be met with eye rolls, but some are wicked awesome, and having a ridiculous thing to believe in won’t hurt your level of mind powers.

Here is a list of possible things to believe in if you dare to let your imagination take the reins for a bit.

Hoverboard Technology

In March, an amazing and heartbreakingly fake video appeared on YouTube, showing the existence of a real, live hoverboard manufactured by Huvr, a false company with Christopher Lloyd as their dream shattering spokesperson. No matter how impossible this technology seems, I’d love to believe that the Back to the Future II technological dream will someday come to fruition; it’s too awesome a thing to not exist sometime in our history.


Cryptozoology is an odd but pretty endearing study for addled dreamers. Included in this hunt for most likely nonexistent animals are my pal Big Foot, the sasquatch, and yetis, all of them only seen in blurry pictures and suggested vis a vis shaky evidence. Basically, the idea of there being an abominable snowman hanging around one of the great forests is enough to give me the occasional smile, and the fact that many cultures have simultaneously allegedly spotted a manlike monster such as this means there’s hope at least one exists somewhere.

Awesome Fake Things That You Should Believe In

The Loch Ness Monster (and Champ)

This is my favorite legendary monster of all time. I’ve believed in Nessie forever, and actually think I ran into Champ (the lesser known creature that lives in Lake Champlain in Vermont) once while swimming. The Loch Ness Monster, a dinosaur creature shrouded in mystery, has been the object of much crazy scientific inquiry, and the star of a few debated photos (including the 1934 surgeon’s photo that’s never been surpassed, unless you count the 2014 Google Maps image). She’s most likely not real, but how ridiculously awesome would it be if she were?

Monster Animals in the Pipes

Dating back to the 1930s, this awesome myth involves baby alligators escaping from captivity in New York City and living in the sewers, thusly growing to immense size and being used as scare tactics for children skipping school and such ever since. I’d love to believe animals have secret sewer mafias, and so should you. If this one were real, then every kid who loved the shit out of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would have at least a partial dream come true. Though, I’d be a bit (more) afraid of manholes.


When I was a small, impressionable child, a friend of my aunt convinced me that she was from Mars, keeping up the charade until I was late into my teenage years. I remember the feeling of cynicism befalling me when I discovered the truth, and it’s haunted me ever since. Anyone who’s ever claimed they’ve been abducted has caught my attention, and given me hope that we are not alone in the universe. Some of the evidence is compelling, including that time that the ex-defense minister of Canada was all like, “Yeah, they’ve been hanging here for years,” but the overwhelming truth is probably that it’s all a hoax. I believe, though, it’s worth it to be believe in extraterrestrials, especially on the off chance they arrive and you get to say, “I was fucking right the whole time you skeptics!” and get to break out the tinfoil hats.

I’m not saying that everyone should start believing every fairy tale, romance, ghost story, and scientology sermon they hear. Believing too fully in a thing that can’t be proven… has proven dangerous (you know, super destructive behavior based on a belief system that’s supposed to be harmonious and what not). However, find some cool myths to ponder and find truth in, and you’ll be all the more happy and carefree because of it. It’s nice to have some things unexplainable.

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