Antechinus the Sex-Crazed Marsupial

April 30, 2014
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Antechinus is an Australian mouse-like marsupial whose self-sacrificial dedication to copulating until the very last breath would have undoubtedly brought it an AVN Honorary Award for Lifetime Achievements, were tiny mammals allowed to star in adult productions.

Although it is often colloquially called “a mouse” or “a shrew” because of its physical resemblance to these much better known species, according to biologists (and they should know better than us animal illiterates) our little Casanova is a breed of dasyurid marsupial. It usually inhabits eucalyptus forests, rainforests, swamps and woodlands. It has carnivorous eating habits, and its daily diet mainly features invertebrates such as spiders and beetles (Yummy!).

Antechinus the Sex-Crazed Marsupial
Antechinus’ terrifying orgasm face expresses the fact that for some ‘le petit mort’ is NOT a metaphor

What, however, makes the antechinus the subject of our most sincere affection, true admiration, and deep compassion, are his unusual reproductive habits, which are his own death sentence, issued by Mother Nature herself.

With his balls full of all the sperm he is ever to produce, and his entire being zealously focused on “the one thing”, he switches to bang-mode, and enters the mating season. These are the two to three weeks he is given to prove his manhood by spreading his semen across as many furry holes as he manages to put his dick inside. As there is no time to be wasted in foreplay, his countless sexual encounters are the least of lovemaking, and the most of rough nailing. Although his hot sessions may take up to fourteen hours in a row, immediately after finishing one partner, his Bacchanalian mind is already spotting the next copulative target.

Eventually, the unmatched sex marathon turns for the little antechinus into what William Shakespeare poetically describes as “the heaven that leads men to hell.” The brave marsupial exhausts himself completely, his immune systems begins to fail, his fur falls off, his internals start to bleed, and at the end of his great sexual trial, he dies…

Antechinus the Sex-Crazed Marsupial

There are a few plausible explanations for the frantic mating behavior of the antechinus. Some scientists say that not all females survive the breeding, so the males’ polygamy is a means of safeguarding the continuation of the species. Another credible theory is that it is a true self-sacrifice: the males die so that their offspring has enough of a food supply (else they would be competing with their young when the resources are scarce). There are also researchers who highlight the fact that the antechinus stores all the sperm that he is ever to have and stops producing it before the mating season. This urges him to use it thoroughly, because it is his only moment of fertility.

Regardless of your motivation, Rest in Peace, little hero of great sexual exploits! Your glorious death won’t go to waste, and it will always inspire entire debauched generations.

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