A Word About Pubic Hair

August 12, 2016
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I’m sorry to use the P word if you were eating or cooking (congrats on the multitasking skills) or doing anything that would cause you to be repulsed by the sheer mention of that word. I’m sorry, I really am, but I just feel like it’s due time we brought up the subject again.

I have no formal training in all things coital, I do not make claim to any expertise, but I have had my fair share of men from various subcultures, races and age brackets which has given me a good pool of knowledge to dip my toe into.

We’re in 2016, right? We are on the verge of wearing computers on our faces in the form of a pair of slick(ish) glasses. There is an African-American president. They have just released The Fast and the Furious 6

x30QcTOxQ2OWU44d7g0r_zach-galifianakis-cereal-head-shotSo in this forward-thinking, ultra open time, riddle me this… why are some guys still getting about with unkempt pubic hair? I’d go as far as to describe it as sexual etiquette that is being brushed under the carpet, so to speak. Did I miss the memo that the Zach Galifinakis-esque beard trend also extends to the nether regions?

Trim. Those. Goddam. Pubes.

It doesn’t even cost anything; you have the tools already… one hand (or 2 depending on how long it’s been) and one pair of scissors. Hand meet scissors, scissors meet pubes, now get in there and give us something we can work with. I know I’m not breaking any new ground here but I can say from experience that the advice still hasn’t got through to a few guys out there.

Let me highlight that trim is the keyword here, not shave, wax or depilate – which all require 100 times more effort. Personally, knowing how much work goes into keeping that area as smooth as possible makes me not want to burden anyone else with such a task.

A good guideline to stick by is to never let them get long enough to curl. Something I learnt from living with boys is that if you’re trimming into the toilet bowl, you may need to flush a couple of times so that the next person isn’t privy to your dirty deeds.

No one wants to feel like they’re scuba diving in some seaweed-heavy terrain when they’re going down on you. Girls are going to be way more orally orientated if your testicles aren’t reminiscent of a meatball that has been dropped on a dog-owner’s floor.

A sweet Texan boy once said to me, ¨My momma always taught me, use fabric softener, the ladies, they love the sweet smell of fabric softener.” A nice touch it was, but lavender-scented boxer shorts unfortunately weren’t enough to distract me from the natural merkin that lay dormant beneath.

The next pictures of Seattle-based Ashley Armitage remind us about pubic hair:  NSFW: The Instagram Fight For Pubic Hair.

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