2014: The Year to End All Years

January 23, 2014
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Remember when the world was supposed to end in 2012? Even hardcore skeptics were sweating a little; people from all over were completing lifelong bucket lists just in case stuff seriously went down. But as you all know, the world kept on going, and 2013 happened, and I think it was a tad disappointing. Sure, the government shut down (it was definitely weird), and weed legalization and the Pope happened a bunch, but 2014 should be the year to end all years (without having to worry about an actual apocalypse).

Below is a list of things you should strive to do this year to ensure epic awesomeness.

First off, has anyone noticed that the Polar Vortex is a thing? Not being in the States at present, I can see how not awesome it is, but think about how sweet sounding the name is. Also, take advantage of it. Blizzard advocates, get behind me on this. What you should do, while the Vortex lasts, is stock up on heavy winter gear and go urban skiing, or stage massive snowball fights everywhere. When life gives you an albeit crushingly cold winter wonderland, find a way to enjoy it.

2014: The Year to End All Years

Speaking of winter, February will bring a whole host of controversial sports television. The 22nd Winter Olympics, held in Sochi this year, has come under fire so far, and will continue to get a bad rap because of pretty terrible treatment of LGBT people. So, I’d say watch the events you want to, but be sure to plug in politically because things are gonna get real. This will not be a televised event to miss.

This year, also, will be the year to smoke a whole lot of weed. Washington State and Colorado have legalized the stuff, with more states decriminalizing and allowing medical usage. Obama himself has carefully admitted that pot is less dangerous than alcohol, and that legalization efforts not only make a lot of stoners more relaxed, but takes financial power away from the prison corporations of America. Smoking weed, and then advocating for its popular legalization, is a good way to spend some time in 2014, the larger goal being an end to police locking up minors and minorities for possession of a plant that really just makes you giggle. Plug into this issue too (no matter what you’ll be high and smiley).

Really, 2014 should be the year more and more people tune in to rapidly changing political and cultural climates. The weather ain’t the only thing that’s causing a ruckus. Obama and his ideals have been on thin ice for quite some time, and who knows what kinda amazing stuff will happen if the successes of 2013 are reinforced this year. More legal weed, more human rights, more healthcare, more LGBT marriages and positive portrayals. These things are possible.

And if all this general political and cultural business doesn’t do anything for you, then take some of my previous advice for 2014 and do some crazy stuff. Have sex in a bed that doesn’t belong to either person in the coupling, make an ice cream sandwich with caramelized bacon, begin bench pressing people you know, write a really terrible novel just because you can, speak only in Seinfeld quotes for six or seven days, learn a dead language and use your newfound skill to make bookish people jealous.

There’s a whole array of things you should do (already be doing, really) in 2014, mostly because 2013 was strangely a year of rebuilding expectations and care for the future. I doubt we’ll have another end of the world scare (you know, besides the current political climate) to awaken our inner awesomeness; it’s up to us to incite change and do crazy things this here rotation round the sun. But don’t forget to relax a little, because the only things you’ll miss are probably YouTube videos anyhow.

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  1. ‘Back in my day of 1999, all computers were gonna crash and the world was gonna end

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