Steak and Blowjob Day – or for vegans, Barbecue Seitan and Blowjob Day – is upon us, and in honor of the reason why the entire world (Well, half of it – Ed) will have a big smile on its face today, we’ve decided to speak to one of the industries eminent sex educators, the luminous Jessica Drake.
Drake, who’s received numerous awards and accolades for her educational and performative contributions to the adult industry, has produced many resources for anyone interested in learning more about their sexuality and that of any sexual and romantic partners they may have. The flagship in her line of sexual materials and paraphernalia is her video series, Jessica Drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex, from Wicked Pictures.
It’s quite the coincidence, then, that Jessica Drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Fellatio is the first in her series of highly entertaining and informative educational videos on taking your sex life to profoundly new levels on the eve of this sensually auspicious holiday celebrating chowing on meat in every sense.
There’s no better resource to turn to than Drake when Steak and Blowjob Day closes in fast. BaDoink encourages you, however, to continue to utilize Drake’s wisdom long after all the sirloin has been gobbled up.
Enjoy this exclusive conversation about oral sex with one of the best sex educators around…
How would you introduce people who are inexperienced to oral sex?
Well, first off, happy Steak and Blowjob Day! Here’s the deal, I’m going to break it down for you very simply. I have polled literally thousands of guys, and the feedback I’ve gotten has been pretty consistent the whole way through. Guys want enthusiasm. Even if you don’t know exactly what you’re doing, if you’re really enthusiastic about it, if you’re really into it, we want a partner who’s going to be excited to engage in whatever type of sex we’re having at that moment, because it makes us feel really good. I always say enthusiasm is the only thing that you should ever be faking in bed. No fake orgasms. Only fake enthusiasm. And usually, if you fake enthusiasm a little bit, and maybe you don’t know what you’re doing, or you’re not so into it, your partner will feed off that enthusiasm. And then you will get into it, and you will start to enjoy it, and become more comfortable. Another piece of feedback I’ve gotten from guys is that it’s very important for a blowjob to be very wet. What I mean by really wet is you have to use a lot of spit, and if for some reason you’re running out of spit, there is an assortment of flavored lubes for your enjoyment. We happen to have a line of lubes called The Wicked Sensual Care Collection, my personal favorite is salted caramel, and the great thing about all the flavors is that they’re sweetened with stevia. Something you may not know is that stevia really helps with dry mouth and really encourages saliva production, so you want a good, wet, spit, sloppy blowjob. And remember you can always incorporate your hands in that as well. So you’re keeping it wet, and you’re using your hands at the same time. And the other feedback I’ve gotten from all kinds of guys, all over the world, is a tie between lots of eye contact, like really connecting with your partner, and watch your teeth. Nobody wants to feel teeth grating on them in the middle of oral ecstasy. So keep that in mind. Keep it really wet, be enthusiastic, watch your teeth, make eye contact, but you know, practice makes perfect. Be sure to get feedback from your partner. And guys, if you’re reading, always reciprocate.
So it’s not just about giving, it’s about receiving. Guys can be really terrible at that, or behave in a way that’s against their partner’s wishes, or expect something they’ve seen in a fantasy. What should guys never do, and what should they aspire to do or be like to facilitate a good experience?
I think it’s really important for guys to realize that porn is a fantasy, and not sex ed, and I think we kind of take it for granted that everyone differentiates between the two of those things. So, if I’m giving advice to a guy who wants to get great head, it would be to let your partner set the pace. Not jump into anything that’s too terribly aggressive at first. A lot of the time, though, when a woman’s giving head she will start to assume a more dominant role. She’ll grab his hips, his legs, the side of a chair, and increase the speed and the depth, maybe she’s trying to deep throat or something like that, and as long as that’s happening, as long as she’s in control, then that’s fine. Also, guys shouldn’t just randomly decide that they’re going to pull out and give a girl a facial, because not everybody likes that.
It should usually be a discussion had beforehand.
Before, “oh my god I’m going to cum.”
And how should people approach blowjobs in a more realistic, less fantasy-based way?
First of all, I think I’ve done blowjobs in porn and it has led to good sex. I think it has a lot to do with the way I choose my partners, and the things I relay to them that I like. When you give your partner a blowjob, a lot of it is performance, because you’re servicing that person, just like if a guy’s going down on a girl, and that’s it, that’s all that’s going to happen, he’s just going to worship her and give her orgasms, that can be a main event in and of itself, it doesn’t always have to lead to sex. I talk to people about how sex is never linear; it doesn’t have to follow a specific formula. Maybe, in porn, people might have the idea that the person giving the blowjob is always very subservient, but that’s not really been what I’ve found, that’s not what I see. I’ve been in submissive positions when I’ve given blowjobs, I’ve been in very powerful positions when I’ve given blowjobs, I think it all depends on the situation and the mood of the people. I don’t think we should discount the sex that people are having at home. I’ll go into a seminar and start teaching basic blowjob techniques, I gave a seminar here in LA at the Pleasure Chest, and a woman in back of the room stood up and she had to have been in her 60s, possibly older, and she wanted to know about face-fucking. She really wanted to understand this, so I think it’s important that we not discount the kinkiness that people want to engage in and the different power roleplaying people want to do. I would say feedback and communication with your partner is of the utmost importance. A lot of the time, people attach a certain amount of shame to extreme acts, and extreme is very subjective, and it’s all about communication. Consent is key.
What are some things that people don’t often do and should when it comes to blowjobs, and other types of sex as well, and what are some creative things people could do to relieve some of the shame or the tension of having to be passionate when it’s an emulation of certain fantasies?
I mean, it’s tough because it’s going to vary from person to person and couple to couple, depending on their dynamic. If you’re comfortable talking and laughing and asking your partner “Do you like this? Do you like this? Do you like this?” that can be really fun. You can play the hot and cold game, you know, you could be doing different things to your partner, like “you’re getting warmer, you’re getting warmer, no cooler, cooler.” You don’t want to sound like a drill sergeant about it. I’m not a big advocate when it comes to food play, because if you’re having oral sex and it’s going to lead to penetrative sex you have to be careful what you’re putting in there. Even the male urethra, you can have issues if you’re lodging food and chocolate syrup, all kinds of funny things up there. And of course a woman’s pH, her vaginal pH, can be affected with food play, so I’m kind of cautionary when it comes to all that. So, flavored lube, like I said, is a great idea. You can get a couple different flavors and mix them up, and have a tasting party. I think that interjects fun into it, you know, you can have contests with your guy to see how quickly you can make them come, or to see how long he can hold off, if he’s rather sensitive. I don’t recommend doing that with a woman. I’d like to drive home the point that all women are so different when it comes to oral sex, and their likes and dislikes, and so many women orgasm from clitoral stimulation alone, and a woman can take five, ten, fifteen, twenty minutes to orgasm. That might not exactly sound like fun to a guy, or playful to a guy, but sometimes just that knowledge and that acceptance between a man and a woman, because a lot of the time women get really self conscious about taking too long to cum, and then once they’re in that headspace it makes it more difficult for them to cum. It’s kind of different advice for blowjobs versus pussy eating. Pussy eating needs more of an understanding, and I guess the hot and cold game works there too, as far as switching up techniques. Just don’t put any food in it, that’s all.
Of course this interview is falling on Steak and Blowjob Day.
Put the steak in your mouth. Or the tofu.
Don’t drizzle yourself with barbecue sauce.
Please no. You can drizzle your boobs with barbecue sauce, that’s cool. But yes, I would say no food in holes is a general rule. And if you’re going to experiment with putting other things inside of your partner, wherever, just make sure it has a bigger base than a top, so that way you can always get it out.
What is the best meal that will facilitate great sex?
For me personally, I am a big fan of sushi. I would love to have an amazing sushi dinner, maybe with some plum wine, that would be really satisfying for me. I’m also a big fan of dessert. I think that people get two things in mind. They think big romantic night dinner with pasta and red wine and garlic bread and everything and then they’re too full to get it on. I’ve seen it happen, I’ve witness this firsthand. It’s easier to have a nice but slightly smaller, lighter meal, and it can be home-cooked or it can be at an expensive restaurant and you can be waited on hand and foot, it’s more the quality time and the attention and this is special, and now let’s get it on.
Now go enjoy a weekend of every type of carnal ecstasy. And if you’re like Drake and don’t partake in the consumption of juicy steaks, griddle up some seitan or salmon, for those pescatarians out there. It’s the steak of the sea. Drake’s teachings can be found all over the site linked above, as well as on her Twitter and Instagram, and keep updated for a more in depth interview with the brilliant sex educator to be published soon right here on BaDoink.