Arts people are strange in all sorts of fun ways, but none are so enigmatic as the musician. Playing an instrument fuses with the personality of many an individual; once the transformation into musician is complete, there’s no going back. However, not all musicians are alike. Each instrument alters the personality of the user in various ways, pulling that person into one subculture or another and warping their disposition.
If you are wondering what your chosen instrument says about your personality, ponder no more. Below I outline what kind of human you have become (or will morph into) after playing these popular instruments.
Playing the axe has given you an inflated ego and sense of creativity that may or may not result in rad sounds. You secretly have a weird obsession with either Joe Satriani or John Petrucci. Most likely, you believe you can sing, and if you actually do have vocal chops, you prefer singing-songwriting because you want no one to come between you and your vision. Part of you wishes you had a Marshall Stack, but you know it’s a terrible idea.
As a bass player, you are far more chilled and subtly confident than your six-string plucking counterparts. Without you, the band, and music in general, would fall apart, but you don’t think about it too much. You know James Jamerson didn’t get enough respect, and you would give up one of your fingers for a master class with Victor Wooten.
You’ve probably been playing since you were a little kid and feel weird when away from a piano for more than 24 hours. Most likely, you are super lanky, sit in chairs as if there were a keyboard in front of you, and tell people you play jazz and Gershwin but secretly write doom metal and hardcore hip hop. You love hoodies.
You will never be appreciated by anyone but that’s ok because you have the most fun when behind your instrument. Even though no one considers you a musician, you know that Buddy Rich once existed, and music would lack its thunder without you. You really want to complain about how heavy your kit is, but know that no one will care. You have mixed feelings about Terry Bozzio.
You think you are the raddest, but everyone really resents you for being the only person who receives lady screeches from the audience. You can’t help but carry a Moleskine everywhere to write lyrics in, and treat your haircut like an expensive Telecaster.
You are actually quite the badass, and that beard is totally working for you (if you are a lady, you are one of only a few people who can rock overalls). Trees, rivers, and chair-like rocks are better company for you than other folks, and you carry around a picture of Bela Fleck for inspiration.
Your parents had enough money to rent/buy you an oboe, but your desire for the instrument stemmed from a childhood need to stray from the fathoms of people poorly playing the clarinet.
You are that sexy saxophone guy on the Internet.
Music has been your life since the beginning of your existence and everyone really wants you in their band because nothing is sexier than a violin or fiddle played well. If you are a fiddle-playing lady, then you are unabashedly awesome and better than most people, and can un-ironically wear a cowboy hat like a boss.
You’re older than everyone else in the garage that you’re playing in, and have never heard of Kanye West (rock & roll has been dead a long time, my apologies).
If you play other musical instruments, send them in and I’ll tell you what kind of person you are, and if you don’t play a musical instrument, try drums. They’re easy and not expensive to purchase at all, and won’t bother the rest of the apartment block you live in. So, actually, pick up the guitar. Even easier!