I’m not that tall. People have been telling me that for years. That I’m not tall… In case you didn’t get that, I’m short, man. I’m 5ft 2. It’s something I’ve dealt with my whole life. However okay I think I am with it, it still sometimes bothers me. In the mainstream gay community there’s an ideal body that must be lived up to and worshipped. That body is the perfectly gym sculpted and coiffed with a height of at least 5.9 that you might see in an Abercrombie & Fitch catalogue. Gay men can be pretty mean when it comes to bodies and mating or relationships.

I’ve done plenty of my own research. I have had profiles on Grindr, Scruff, Adam4Adam, Manhunt, Gayromeo, Dudesnude, Hornet, Gay.com, Bender, and probably a whole lot more that I can’t remember. Even though some of them target specific groups in the gay community, I see pretty much the same types on all of them. Men with gym perfected bodies. Men with profiles that say “Only gym bodies.” As if there isn’t any room for people who don’t go to the gym everyday. I see it all the time; men dating or hooking up with men who look exactly the same as them.

I’ve gone to many gay clubs and seen guys dancing with their shirts off, mostly with those perfect bodies, and who look like they’re having a horrible time because all they do is look around to see who is looking at them. They’re never looking at me and I reached a point sometime last year where I didn’t care if they did. That’s not the type of person I want to be with.  Now, I’m no slouch. I keep active and try to eat healthy. I do go to the gym at least twice a week. I’m not a Muscle-Mary, but I’ve come to like the body that I have now. I’m a bit more confident and I now find myself in a relationship with someone. He does not have a perfect body and you know what? I could care less. I love his body just the way it is. It suits him and he’s so goddamn cute.

This is a big change for me from eight years ago. I remember having a discussion with a friend and explaining how I don’t think I could ever date someone who didn’t have a nice body. What the HELL was I thinking? I was quite the little shit in that regard. In the years since then, I’ve dated guys with average bodies that have transformed into Adonis bodies after we broke up and I’ve even dated an Adonis who was also a narcissist and sociopath.

Along the way, I’ve learned that the body matters so much less than the mind. The mind and the personality are where it’s at. While I don’t mind a nice body in the least, you will never see me at the gym 6 times a week while I obsess over what I eat to make sure that I get those lower abs to pop. You’re more likely to see me take my guy hiking in the mountains or to some Star Trek themed party. I’m so much happier now that I’ve realized all of this.