Many people would agree that taking responsibility for one’s actions — and dealing with the consequences of those actions — represent a pivotal part of everyone’s transition into true adulthood.
A significant percentage of those same people would also agree — perhaps while also thinking of that old Neil Sedaka song that I can’t fucking seem to get out of my head as I write this — that breaking up is hard to do.
Sometimes being a true adult can wait. Surely you’ll be prepared next time; it always works like that, right?
In this day and age, when outsourcing your way out of discomfort seems not only allowed but encouraged online, it was only a matter of time till someone did it for you — for a small fee, that is.
A new Australian service called Sorry It’s Over is now offering different plans for all you beautiful cowards to dump your (soon to be former) significant others through a painless (well, for you) experience that’ll keep any anxiety or stress safely stacked away along with your balls and respect for your partner for everyone’s convenience.
Listen, some people are just not good at break ups. They require tact, the right choice of words and — perhaps more importantly — the emotional disconnection that a person who’s in that dysfunctional relationship can’t have.
“People don’t like the confrontation. People are scared of it,” Sorry It’s Over founder Kristy Mazins told Mamamia. “It’s a much needed service because it takes the fear out of breaking up.”
The 37-year-old Mazins, who credits her time as a nurse for her counseling skills, believes the tech-savvy Gen Y are not the best at confronting their fears, and she’s happy to provide a non-confrontational option.
A break up text or email can be sent to your unsuspecting partner for just $5. They offer two basic message choices: There’s the kinder “We have not been seeing eye-to-eye. I feel we are too different. It is me not you. There is no chemistry anymore. Hope you will be OK. We can still be friends” option; or the more hateful/sore “How dare you treat me like this! It is over and I could not be happier. I deserve better than you. You will never find anyone as good as me.”
You can also write a personalized message, although that might defeat the purpose of using the service.
Of course, breaking up with someone through a text or email is likely not going to endear you to the person whose soul you crushed for just five bucks. For those with a little more money to spend — and let’s face it, if you’d like to avoid the avalanche of shit that having someone else dump your partner through a lousy SMS will bring — they also provide phone calls, flowers, posted letters, a sympathy hamper, or even a personal meeting with a Sorry It’s Over representative. I’m sure that’s as awkwardness-free as it sounds.
There’s always the option of, you know, being a fucking adult and not having a third party do your break up for you. However, if you feel like that growth can wait another year or two, you might as well use Sorry It’s Over.