For a part of the world that prides itself upon its advances in tech and money-making potential, Silicon Valley has some deeply embedded belief systems that don’t so much hinder their progress but tie it to the back of a truck and drag it across a canyon of broken glass. The old stereotype of techies being brainy but regressive is there for a reason.
So any doubts you may have had about that concept will be put to bed when you clap your eyes on this rather snobbish ad for new roommates at the Valley’s own ‘Startup Castle‘.
The Startup Castle is a rich bastard’s commune designed to try and incubate some of the newest and freshest minds in the Valley. You’d think that with all that potential and money to be made that theirs would be a fairly liberal, come-one-come-all kinda thing. But the institution whose motto is ‘Educate. Liberate. Disrupt.’ seems pretty determined to do none of those things. To wit…
Now, looking for new roomies or pals can be fairly daunting and that’s ok. But when you place more restrictions and conditions upon them than Kim Jong-Un putting somebody’s hand in a vice then you just end up looking like the mean-spirited pricks that you are. Let’s run through it, shall we?
So far… kind of alright, I guess? The exercise bit can take a hike – ironically – and the dog thing is probably a joke but… well, here’s why these guys go a little overboard. Their list of ‘DO NOTs’ is mad, unfair and a real insight into the closed mindset of an area and industry that really should be doing more to show and spread inclusivity. These are – apparently – “traits exclusive to disappointing housemates”:
– Watch more than 4 hours of TV/movie/game entertainment per week
– Have more than 1 tattoo
– Have ever attended more than 1 protest
– Make more than three posts a week to social media
– Listen to a songs with explicit lyrics more than an once a day
– Wear make-up more than twice a week
– Own any clothing, shoes, watches, or handbags costing over $500
– Have bills that get paid by somebody else
– Drive a vehicle that was given to you by your parents
– Get regular spending money or gifts from your parents
– Have more than one internet app date per week
– Have a complex diet that requires lots of refrigerator space
– Drink alcohol more than 3 drinks per week
– Use marijuana more than twice a year
– Have been prescribed anything by a psychiatrist more than once
– Use any other drug more than twice in your entire life
So… let’s get this straight. The idiots locked inside the Startup Castle dislike people that possess individual thought processes, engage with the online world, wear make up (ANTI-WOMAN KLAXON), like to treat themselves to luxury items, benefit from the kindness of their own families, try and be social, may or may not have or have had mental issues… anything else?
Long story short, the weedy little Morlocks currently inhabiting this Dracula’s Castle of Boredom have presented themselves as some of the most close-minded and intolerant people of all. In a world where we espouse platitude after platitude concerning tech and the bringing together of society, having the source of the Nile blocked off to most people is a kick in the nuts of common sense. Their motto cites disruption as one of their key goals. Pray tell how can disrupt when everybody is the same melted vanilla scoops forming a puddle on the floor?
Here’s a better motto, you little piggies: ‘Conform Or Die’. The dystopian world we all expect won’t be brought about by the machines… it’ll be thanks to the horrible dickheads that make them in the first place.
Compare this puritanical bent with HBO’s Silicon Valley – namely the weed-puffing Erlich Bachman – and you begin to wonder what types of shut ins we are entrusting our collective growth and prosperity with. But then… when everything in your narrow, tunnel-vision life is geared towards being a certified member of the Three Comma Club, why even pretend like you care about anyone else?