Love it or hate it, fast food is here to stay.
From the first McDonalds (complete with terrifying prototype mascot) to the dizzying range of stores offering all manner of fried, broiled and saturated foodstuffs.
Of course, it’s no secret that fast food ain’t exactly healthy living. In fact, it’s largely responsible for this pesky ‘obesity crisis’ we hear so much about these days. Like everything else, it’s best enjoyed in moderation; alcohol, food, smokes, masturbation… the whole spectrum!
But there are times when the fast food industry loses its collective mind and creates something so acutely bizarre and disgusting it’s a wonder whether they’re just laughing at us after all.
The internet has been buzzing recently over the news that KFC are about to unleash their Double Down Dog on 50 people in the Phillipines. A hot dog wrapped in a coated chicken breast in place of the bun, you can feel your cholesterol levels soar just by looking at it. With no plans to release this beast in the US (yet!) we might have just been granted lucky escape.
But that hasn’t stopped other fast food chains from doing their utmost to impress and disgust their loyal patrons. Without further ado, BaDoink presents five culinary monstrosities that have coursed through the veins of America and the West.
Pizza Hut’s Cheeseburger Stuffed Crust Pizza
Our cousins across the pond in the UK were granted an audience with this monster that combined the world of burgers with pizza, despite not very many people actually ever calling for it.
With ten burgers baked into a stuffed crust, only the greediest people on Earth could complete such a fatty challenge.
At an eye-popping 3,000 calories, Pizza Hut’s offering accounts for 150% of a woman’s recommended daily intake (RDA) of calories. Pizza Hut stopped making it in November 2013 while Britain’s nationalized health services let out huge sighs of relief.
Wendy’s Triple Baconator
Already the stuff of legend across these lands, Wendy’s serious stack of meat is almost like the physical manifestation of a hungry child’s dream.
Weighed down by an artery-furring 1,330 calories, 3,150 mg of sodium and a lot more besides, this image has it about right!
In the interests of science, let’s all watch this absolute madman eat not just one Triple Baconator…but THREE. Not for the faint of heart!
Dunkin’ Donuts’ Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich
At least with the previous two creations there was some semblance of sense. Beef on a pizza? No problem. A stack of a burgers with bacon and cheese? Unhealthy, but pretty normal.
So here we are with Dunkin’ Donuts’ glazed deathtrap, which reads as if some horrible joke gone wrong.
The chain tells us proudly they have ‘changed breakfast forever’, but it seems they don’t understand that they have in fact opened a Pandora’s Box. Here’s the set up: a glazed donut sandwich holding together bacon and pepper fried egg. ARGHHHH… what is wrong with you people, seriously?!
Burger King’s Sausage-Egg-and-Cheese Croissan’wich
We regularly deride doctors and scientists for playing God. Careers and livelihoods have been curbed due to moral quandaries… and yet we allow our fast food overlords to beaver away in their (probably) weird, little underground labs and Frankenstein some awful concoctions together.
Perhaps in an attempt to bring some old school European class to proceedings, meat royalty Burger King decided to throw the usual combo of meat, cheese and something else in the dairy demographic onto that jewel in the French food crown: the humble croissant.
As it stands, this thing just looks like a browbeaten and neon yellow piece of shit. Back to the drawing board, Your Majesty!
Burger King’s Black Ninja Burger
What is it with Burger King, huh? All that belief in the Divine Rights of Royalty must have gone to their head.
Now, the thing with the Black Ninja Burger is that it doesn’t actually sound that nasty. It’s filled with a beef patty, a hashbrown patty, a weird tongue-like piece of bacon and the usual array of salad and sauce.
Who wouldn’t eat that? Well, apart from vegetarians of course. No… the problem with this product, available in Japan only, is well… the black bun!
Blackened with bamboo charcoal, it’s an aesthetic quality that many in the West are not used to. The tonguey bacon is a nod to a mascot used by the Japanese Burger King franchises.
Just like Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson, it looks like it’s been lost in translation.
What crazy creations have we missed? Let us know!