When Zombie-geddon finally arrives, you’ve got to get inventive to survive the terrible onslaught of those decaying flesh-eating bastards! You’ve got to know how to use anything you have at your disposal as a weapon. Luckily, if you’re a modern, sexual adventurer, you’ve probably already got an awesome stockpile of zombie-stoppers. From the ass to the arsenal, here’s our guide to surviving the zombie apocalypse using sex toys:
Oh, and here’s an extra bit of important information:
The 5 Important DON’Ts for Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse:
- DON’T fuck a walking dead Jennifer Lawrence or Matthew McConaughey. Even if they have only just been freshly turned and still look good, they WILL eat your brains out.
- DON’T trust anyone with a hickey. You have no way of knowing who – or what – was chewing on their neck.
- DON’T let a guy eat you out if he adds seasoning first. He might literally EAT you!
- DON’T let a girl suck you off if she adds seasoning first. She might literally suck it OFF!
- DON’T screw anybody’s brains out. The smell will attract zombies.