Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse Using Sex Toys

October 31, 2014
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When Zombie-geddon finally arrives, you’ve got to get inventive to survive the terrible onslaught of those decaying flesh-eating bastards! You’ve got to know how to use anything you have at your disposal as a weapon. Luckily, if you’re a modern, sexual adventurer, you’ve probably already got an awesome stockpile of zombie-stoppers. From the ass to the arsenal, here’s our guide to surviving the zombie apocalypse using sex toys:

BaDoink_PornstarsvsZombies

Oh, and here’s an extra bit of important information:

The 5 Important DON’Ts for Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse:

  1. DON’T fuck a walking dead Jennifer Lawrence or Matthew McConaughey. Even if they have only just been freshly turned and still look good, they WILL eat your brains out.
  2. DON’T trust anyone with a hickey. You have no way of knowing who – or what – was chewing on their neck.
  3. DON’T let a guy eat you out if he adds seasoning first. He might literally EAT you!
  4. DON’T let a girl suck you off if she adds seasoning first. She might literally suck it OFF!
  5. DON’T screw anybody’s brains out. The smell will attract zombies.

 

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