Food porn is, at least in my humble opinion, the best kind of porn. Not only can you get away with viewing food porn anywhere (unless you start caressing yourself to the sight of a fine weave of bacon) but it’s easier to make a reality. Regular porn might give you flights of fancy your life partner or casual sex human may not want to actualize, but how easy is it slow roasting a pork shoulder just like John Leguizamo does in Chef?
Films centered round food are often not the best films in terms of character or plot, but the most important element, food, makes food porn flicks worth many viewings.
For those of you who’ve not feasted upon cinema’s finest food films, this here is a brief but delectable list of some of the greatest achievements in big screen food porn, each able to make your mouth water by the end of the opening credits.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
This movie is basically an homage to chocolate addiction, and makes every viewer wish they could splash around in a chocolate river. It does include slave labor and many a surreal death trap, but that only serves to make it more insanely delicious. Also, remember the trippy bubbles? I’d face death to hang in that chocolate nightmare zone (the original film, not the uncomfortable Johnny Depp disaster).
Eat Drink Man Woman
Why Ang Lee ever thought he should make that Hulk film instead of just making more movies like this is a mystery. This film, about a dysfunctional Taipei family with a master chef patriarch, is visually succulent. Food is the main character of this quiet masterpiece, and if you can resist going for Asian takeout the moment the end credits roll, then you have no taste whatsoever.
Sure, its an animated kid flick, and a rodent is doing most of the culinary work, but butter my bacon is there a cornucopia of delicious looking foods, that are even more tantalizing because there’s no way to make real food look as good as Pixar-animated treats.
While not food porn in the same way the other flicks are, it’s still a great film about what you definitely shouldn’t be shoveling into your bodies. Michael Pollan and Eric Schlosser go to great lengths to convince us that we’re all eating wrong, and I sure wish all food was produced by Polyface Farms (a happy pig is a tasty pig). If you’re the kinda person that doesn’t care about food, this documentary will change your mind forever and ever.
Jiro Dreams of Sushi
Oh my god you guys eating sushi at any normal sushi restaurant is ridiculously difficult after watching Jiro create Michelin-starred nuggets of sushi joy in this film. I would definitely not want to be his son, though, what with the insane pressure he puts on his son (there is actually a story here, not just insanely delicious-looking sushi).
Stanley Tucci and Tony Shalhoub and endless authentic Italian cuisine? There is literally nothing better for the food porn lover than this glorious film about a failing restaurant (well, besides the “best of” tab on Epicurious). Any lover of pasta and damn good acting would do well to go indulge in this fine movie.
Jon Favreau’s kinda indie film is a delight for anyone who likes sandwiches, John Leguizamo, adorable father-son redemption stories, and sandwiches. This movie is basically a love letter to well-prepared meats and “makin’ it on your own!” There’s one scene where Favreau drives his food truck to Texas and picks up some giant briskets that will make you question whether you can sit through the rest or sprint to the nearest barbecue joint. Not the best story, but delicious, delicious food porn.
Not really a food porn movie, but so deliciously twisted it had to make it on to the list. Watch this then try to eat that bacon, I dare you.
Also, apologies to my Internet friends who thought there would be naked ladies covered in bacon here. We’re working on that.