If you’re an eligible bachelor or bachelorette, no doubt you’ve had to make some sacrifices for possible and definite romantic partners in the past. Some of the sacrifices and compromises you’ve made were and still are intelligent – never make the mistake of thinking you are totally right all the time – but I know you, Internet friends, have gone too far. I recall once allowing a lady to maliciously wax the very soul (hair) off my back, and it was painful, not actually utilitarian (it grew back), and made me feel less of my yeti self.

In this current environment of casual relationships and easier boning, many people alter bits of themselves to raise their statistics regarding booty. While snaring sex partners is admirable, the overarching attitude is that if you’re not bumping uglies, you should be and need to sacrifice what you may hold true to do so. I will attest till the day I die that I did not allow for the waxing of my back for sex, but it’s not out of the question that many a fellow or lady will do something like waxing or dieting just because it might get them laid. This is silly!

Whether for a long-term lover or the possibility of a booty call, certain sacrifices or compromises shouldn’t be made.

First off, never let anyone (or society) tell you your hair is wrong. Beards are awesome, and lumberjack beards are more awesome. If you’re a yeti, decide whether or not you’d like to remain a yeti. You shave that off, and you may miss out on that one special partner who unequivocally loves yetis. And for the ladies, dudes should have no say whatsoever as to your level of bodily fuzziness.

Second, don’t change your music or other entertainment opinions. For a booty call, it’s definitely necessary to sacrifice your death metal for an evening, but never ever pretend to decide you don’t like grown men shrieking over shredding just cause your (potential) partner likes Jack Johnson too much. Your music, books, and movies should be safe from any opinion other than your own. People will actually respect you more if you hold to an opinion rather than cave (no one made me realize Dream Theater was wacky nonsense, I did it on my own).

Third, make your dietary calls by yourself. Of course, its good to be informed, but I’ve seen many a mighty vegetarian become vegan after fewer than one conversation with a partner. Yes, veganism is a pretty healthy lifestyle when done correctly, but you’ll start to resent your romantic interest if you associate him/her/every other gender with the lack of something you crave. If every health magazine ever convinces you, well, then, you’re fine, but don’t choose a person above bacon or cheese (no one is better than bacon or cheese).

Fourth, if you have meaningful work (like, you’re about finish that painting of a badass ceramic vase) to do, always have it as an important part of your life. Rather get laid than lay some defining brushstrokes? That’s probably fine, but abandoning a truly badass artistic, scientific, or professional endeavor over the possibility of some romance is dangerous. If your time management skills are on par, then you can manage both, but that romantic partner will resent their own involvement in the possible death of your career. This is dramatic, yes, but I’ve seen many a relationship implode due to this, even if its exactly what the person leaving behind their work for a person wants, mostly because its hard for the object of affection. A worthwhile partner, swift booty or till death do you part, will give you the time you need and still want to totally get it on once the project is complete.

Internet friends, I declare it totally awesome to keep your yeti locks, obsession with the least acclaimed Black Sabbath songs, love of carbonara sauce on top of ribs, and desire to totally write that novel (guess which of these is autobiographical). Mature compromises, diplomatically reached between two people, are good, but usually when they are about the dynamic of the relationship, not defining characteristics of people that should never be sacrificed. If playing Settlers of Catan on a Saturday doesn’t get you laid, no worries, keep on playing that rad board game, and wonderful sexings will come naturally (whoever doesn’t love Catan is not worth your time anyway).