Henry Deltoid’s Beer Review: Founders Breakfast Stout

December 6, 2013
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Double (Imperial) Chocolate Coffee Oatmeal Stout – 8.3% ABV/60 IBU

“Children, guess what Daddy is having for breakfast this morning?  BEER!”

Truth be told, I don’t have any kids (of which I am aware).  There may be one wandering around in Thailand that looks like a cross between Jim Carrey and Lucy Liu, however I doubt it.  But I digress.

Founders Breakfast Stout

I reviewed the Boulevard “Coffee Ale” previously and noted that the taste of coffee was not strong enough to warrant the word “coffee” being anywhere on the label (but as a reminder it was a stellar brew and I need more).  Founders “Breakfast Stout”, however, is well deserving of the label disclosure, “chocolate coffee oatmeal”.  According Founders on their website it is brewed with “an abundance of flaked oats, bitter and imported chocolates, and Sumatra and Kona coffee.”  THAT I believe.  This beer has been a personal favorite of mine for the past few years since I discovered it.

It pours a deep chocolate black with a frothy vanilla colored head. It is somewhat of a pleasant surprise that the label on the bottle is an example of 100% accurate, true, and honest marketing: the aroma and flavor are EXACTLY what Founders promises.  The scent is malty, hearty, bicep-flexing, coffee chocolate bliss.  It fizzes and calms down rather quickly but the carbonation stays at a healthy medium.  Lacing is quite prevalent and strong here.  The flavor is empowered, malty, and consists of oats, java, and dark, bitter chocolate.  At 60 IBU this beer has a hoppy bitterness with a tiny hint of citrus that gently taps your tongue.  If you’re looking for a sweet, creamy, dessert flavor you won’t find it here.  This is black coffee, not cappuccino.  The flavor carries through marvelously and leaves the mouth wet with a coffee aftertaste.  The alcohol content is above average for a beer, but it’s not terribly strong.  But after 3 of these you will melt into your sofa and smile like a freshly blown 18 year old college freshman.

“Is this really good to drink with breakfast?”  Actually, no, it is not.  This beer is so delicious it should be consumed on its own without the flavors of other perishables to distract your tongue.  Yes, I drank this with my breakfast.  Yes, it was wonderful.  But this beer is best enjoyed by itself.  I have had this while smoking chocolate shisha from my favorite hookah.  And it was a fantastic pairing.

When I drink a beer like Founders “Breakfast Stout” I am so enamored with it I feel like one of the zombies from the 80’s classic “The Return of the Living Dead.”  They meander in a seemingly mindless fashion as they infiltrate various buildings and homes with people barricaded inside and they relentlessly seek “BRAINS!”  When asked “why?” a captured zombie replies, “The PAIN!  The PAIN of being DEAD!” and I can relate.  Because of the hypnotic effect this delightful ale has on me I wandered into the neighborhood liquor store and I moaned, “BEEEEEEER!”  When shot by a quizzical look by the salesman behind the counter I continued: “The PAIN!  The PAIN of being SOBER!”

Have you seen “The Return of the Living Dead”?  If not, then you are despicable.  This coming weekend you owe it to yourself to see that movie, at least to see 80’s horror shrieking damsel icon Linnea Quigley gallivanting about with her beautiful bare cans swinging to and fro.  She is egregiously naked in this movie.  And watch it while drinking Founders “Breakfast Stout”.  You cannot possibly fail to enjoy yourself.


Style: 10/10

Overall: 9.8/10

The Deltoid has spoken!

Henry Deltoid’s Beer Review: Founders Breakfast Stout 1 vote

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