Part 3 of 5 of my pilsner series is here! Are you ready for some more pilsner knowledge? Then allow me to introduce you to a great figure of beer history: Josef Groll. As you read in my review of the Dogfish Head Piercing Pils this style was launched in 1842. What you haven’t yet read from me is that its development was due to a tragic event in beer history: in 1838 the brew masters of Plzen, Bohemia (which is The Czech Republic now) decided to publicly dump 36 barrels of ale into the street as it had become contaminated at the time by a wild yeast strain or some type of bacteria. This event was conducted to bring attention to the ongoing problem of top-fermenting beer (in other words, making ales). I have not conducted enough research to conclude with 100% certainty that the children of the town during this incident were present to witness the atrocity, but I imagine bearing witness to this beer genocide would have scarred them mentally for life, possibly impacting their abilities to ovulate or produce sperm. Simply imagining such a scenario does impede my ability to sustain an erection, but don’t worry: I’ll be OK.
Enter Josef Groll, a Bavarian brewer, who was brought in to Plzen to teach the brew masters the art of the German style of brewing lagers (bottom-fermenting at cooler temperatures). Groll therefore became the head brewer at a new brewery (the Bürgerbrauerei), which led to him being the inventor of the Pilsner. He was later known as the “Father of the Pils”, the style which is arguably the most commonly consumed style of beer in the word. So let’s take a close look at one of his descendants, shall we?
Lagunitas Pils is clear, bright yellow and gold. There wasn’t a lot of activity from the CO2, but there was a thin column of bubbles dancing up from the center of the glass. Its aroma consisted of malt, caramel, kiwi and sweetness. The head is thick, foamy, cottony, and white; it also lasts a long time but at the perfect thickness. The initial taste of Pils is an interesting combination of malt, caramel, vanilla, kiwi, and sweet red grapes. It finishes quite bitter with the caramel and some grassy hops, and a tiny element of tobacco smoke. The aftertaste was quite surprising as it is Czech style which is supposed to be less bitter than a German style. But this one had a fairly strong bitter bite to the aftertaste. The texture is nice; it’s both prickly and watery. Lacing is pronounced with a hefty amount of fluffy, white, foam dots. Overall the flavors in this beer are very strong as well.
Lagunitas Pils no doubt is held to a typical high standard as it hails from one of my favorite brewers. Before I even opened the bottle I already was stretching my jaw and licking my lips in anticipation of sucking their proverbial cock, since I love them more than I love my own family. The intensity of the flavor and the bitter aftertaste make this one quite memorable.
One final tidbit of pilsner history (or shall I say “lore”?). It is widely reported that Josef Groll died at the age of 74, while drinking a beer in his favorite pub. I don’t want to stand by that as true, although I have not found any documentation to the contrary. He must have saved the lives of many children and kittens in a previous life because that’s one awesome way to go. I can only hope to keel over and die under those circumstances, while also getting a blowjob from a 25 year old clone of Jessica Chastain. Now that I think about it, perhaps that Jessica Chastain part is asking a little too much, but fuck it, I watched “THE SECRET” under the direction of my insane ex-wife so at this point it’s at least worth a try to use that idiotic pile of manipulative nonsense and see if I can procure a blowjob from a Jessica Chastain clone.
Czech Style Pilsner
IBU: 35 (my best guess)