3 Floyds “Zombie Dust” – American Pale Ale – 6.2% ABV – 50 IBU
I love zombies. I love decaying, moaning, lumbering, relentless, intestine yanking, flesh devouring, brain slurping, eye-gouging, skin ripping, penis chomping (yes, I once rented a zombie film which depicted that in grisly, vivid detail), blood guzzling hordes of the undead. I am not sure why 3 Floyds Brewing Company out of Munster, Indiana named this brew after my favorite sub-genre of my favorite film genre but I have to admit: it’s a catchy title. And the artwork on the bottle is totally fucking awesome.
The pale ale is one of the most common styles, and pale ale beers are everywhere. They are simple, universal, all-occasion, year-round brews that integrate splendidly with any event, any season, and any food. Unless you are Budweiser, Coors, or Miller you can’t fuck up a pale ale. But to make one that truly stands out? That takes some serious talent. And Zombie Dust is the quintessential display. It is widely regarded as the best APA in the nation.
Zombie Dust has a very noteworthy consistency. It appears and sounds viscous as it plops and splashes into a pint glass. The liquid is opaque. It is the color of honey and tarnished old gold. The head is bone white, tall, and exhibits quite an impressive duration considering it is fairly light and loose. And it leaves foamy, sticky splotches and flecks of lacing around the glass. Zombie Dust bitch-slaps you with the crispy, chilly aroma of orange peel, grapefruit, and fresh flowers. You naughty little bitch, you!
As a pale ale the flavor is simple like almost all of them. The citra hops create a strong and fresh blast of citrus flavors which remain from the up-front taste to the final notes of the aftertaste. And it is very buttery. The flavor finishes with a surprising bite of bitterness for a 50 IBU brew. The aftertaste kicks in with sweet, tropical fruit. Take heed: the aftertaste is like the prom date whose virginity you just ousted. It simply does NOT want to go away.
While the flavor is fan-motherfucking-tastic, the texture puts this brew on a diamond crusted solid gold pedestal floating on a cloud of voluptuous tits. It is thick and oily like vodka straight from the freezer. The carbonation is fairly heavy and silky, but it does not bloat the innards. And it is one of the most drinkable beers I have ever encountered. Chugging it is easier than winning a boxing match with a quadriplegic baby.
The town of Munster, Indiana is a boring, empty, drab, flat, intermission of land. I would rather skull-fuck a hungry Pacu fish than live in Munster. But it is responsible for bringing two memorable items into my life: my ex-wife and 3 Floyds Brewing Company. Can you guess with which of the two I still am head over heels, euphorically, amorously infatuated? Of course you can. Marriage is temporary, but beer is forever. I love you, 3 Floyds. Till death do us part.
Overall: 10 /10