Henry Deltoid’s Beer Review: 3 Floyds Moloko Milk Stout

July 31, 2015
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Henry Deltoid's Beer Review: 3 Floyds Moloko Milk Stout

What’s it going to be then, eh?

There was me, that is Henry, and my three droogs, that is my goblet, my bottle opener, and 3 Floyds “Moloko”, and we sat in my kitchen making up our rassoodocks what to do with the evening, a flip dark hot summer bastard though dry. In that bottle called “Moloko” was a stout. Well, what I had there was a stout plus something else. That something else was moloko, or milk, which in reality means the stout contained lactose milk sugar, giving it exactly what you would pony it to have in terms of flavor and texture, in addition to the traditional flavors of a stout. And so I poured the black liquid into my glass chasha and prepared myself for a real horrorshow drinking session, o’ my brothers.

The 3 Floyds Brewing Co. creatively and appropriately named this stout after the narcotic-spiked milk, or “moloko” as they called it, imbibed by the protagonist of Anthony Burgess’s classic piece of literature, “A Clockwork Orange” which was later adapted into an ultra-controversial film by Stanley Kubrick. I read the novel when I was 16, influenced by my father’s fondness for the traditional and cult classics, and since then it has been both a favorite novel and film for me. Serendipitously Moloko, one of my favorite beers of all time, is also derivative of the story. And it is created from one of my favorite brewers, whose principals also share my affinity for heavy metal and the macabre. I’m almost convinced I’m the long lost 4th Floyd.

What’s it going to be then, eh?

Moloko is a deep, dark brown; almost black. The perimeter of the liquid within the goblet walls takes on a dark cherry red color under direct beams of light. The head is even, smooth, and silky for the most part and contains an array of large bubbles. It’s a pinch difficult to build a voluptuous pillow-top of head even with an aggressive pour. It has a sweet, pungent, malty, and rosy aroma to it. If I ever meet a broad whose nether regions carry such an aroma I will wrap her legs around my head and wear her like a horse’s feed bag on my stagger home. The aroma properly lubricates and fluffs the senses in preparation for the strength and characteristics of the flavor profiles. Moloko is very malt-heavy, but not cloyingly so. The malt is supported by an entourage of chocolate ice cream, booze, and coffee beans, and finishes with sweet milk chocolate and a garnish of hops. The soft and smooth texture feels like a supple breast in the mouth, fresh from a bath with tightly packed carbonation. Not much lacing exists around the glass but it does provide a brief view of wet sand dunes after gently tilting and rotating the glass like a gyroscope.

Henry Deltoid's Beer Review: 3 Floyds Moloko Milk Stout

As is the case with almost every drop of brew that leaves the 3 Floyds brewery for consumption, Moloko is simply a true crafted beer that provides a drinking experience that transcends just a beverage made from malted barley, water, hops, yeast, and milk sugar. It’s one of the rare brews that I will purchase every time I witness it occupying the top shelf in the beer aisle of any spirit shop.

What’s it going to be then, eh?

Moloko is a choodessny bolshy beverage that I can peet by my oddy-knocky for the whole nochy and be better than horrorshow, o’ my brothers. If you want my advice, tuck your cutter into your carman, get out of your domy, gooly on over to the nearest place that sells 3 Floyds Moloko, and stock up. It is just as good as the ole’ in-out-in-out with a merzky molodoy soomka. Right, right.

3 Floyds “Moloko”

Milk Stout

ABV: 6.2%

IBU: 30

Style: 10/10

Overall: 9.5 /10

The Deltoid has spoken.


Henry Deltoid’s Beer Review: 3 Floyds Moloko Milk Stout 4 votes

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